Understanding
by Meg2
Summary: A sequel to "Desiderata", following in series that began with "From the Beginning"
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: The Sookie Stackhouse Series is the creation of Charlaine Harris. Don't sue me Charlaine! I love your books.

A/N- This story follows "Desiderata". If you haven't read it, this one won't make any sense. This story is a further departure from the Sookie Canon.

****Strong violence warning in first chapter.****

**Understanding**

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But, dear, cling close to me; since you were gone,

My barren thoughts have chilled me to the bone.

-William Butler Yeats, from _Reconciliation_

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I.

It had been a peaceful Saturday night, that last day of September. When the Fellowship people came in, I was engaged in final party planning for Pam's welcome back party with Felicia, while preparing cocktail shakers. They weren't on my radar right away, but the energy of the bar had shifted and eventually, I locked in on their thoughts. I headed over to Eric to suggest they be asked to leave. Before Eric could even call Clancy, the younger of the three set down his drink and began to advance on Thalia, the smallest vampire in the club. I saw the mental flash of the silver knife. He would attack her to draw Eric and Clancy, who would then be attacked by the other two. As I spun to look toward Thalia I realized, heart pounding, that we would be too late to intercede and it just rushed out of me in a moment of panic. The voice rang out like a roar, an energy like a dark stream shot out in a focused wave from me. He literally flew into the wall, crumpling to the floor. But my anger spun out of control as I turned on his companions, who would have gone for Eric and I felt my entire face, pulled long and eyes wild, change as I focused on them. I saw the color drain from their faces as they realized there might be worse things than vampires in this bar. Things that had been better hidden. The energy seemed to possess me. The bracelet glowed icily on my arm and I became aware of hands restraining me, pulling me, struggling to hold me back, calling me. The words started to form in my mouth and they were foul, sounding like a dark droning chant. A hand clamped over my mouth in an attempt to silence me. I bit down, desperately wanting the words to escape my lips. The familiar clarion bell rang in my head, but this time not enough to shock me into lightheadedness. Not enough to make me stop. But a commanding voice caught my attention.

_Now you have done it, my child. Now we have no choice but to move forward. Always so full of emotion, of will. You simply cannot go on without guidance. You will do yourself harm. You have started a chain of events that cannot be altered…_

The cold bracelet seemed to burn me, waking me up. I gasped for air.

Both Eric and Clancy were restraining me. They had pulled me back toward the booth, but still, everyone was staring. Eric finally had me and told Clancy to get the Fellowship people out. Eric's hand was bleeding. His blood coursed through me, absorbed quickly from my mouth.

Clancy led the two at the table away and came back for the third, who was just recovering his consciousness. He probably just glammed them I thought loosely, to myself.

I wasn't very focused in the present. I was stuck in the moment of my wanting to destroy them. My anger surged through me like waves crashing on the cliffs and was unrequited. The bracelet's cold metal still burned me. I looked at my wrist and saw it had changed to a peculiar glowing metal. My wrist felt like it had been burned. And there were marks… tracings which appeared to glow from the inside out through my skin on my arms and hands. That brought me back to my reality. What the hell? They looked like trails of light in arcs and circles a complex pattern.

I sat in the booth with my back to the patrons. One hand was over my mouth, where Eric's had been. I'd bitten his hand. Hard. I couldn't meet his eyes, which I felt looking at me. I tried to avoid feeling any his emotions because my own were already too much.

Felicia quickly brought me a gin and tonic and tried not to stare at me. She scurried back to the bar.

My arms began to throb with the pain of Eric's and Clancy's strong grips.

Thalia walked over to me and pushed me further into the booth, sitting next to me.

"Sookie, thank you. I am grateful." Then she took up my hand and stared. The strange trails and patterns glowed in faint ice blue on my forearms and hands. They seemed to be fading. She examined my bracelet. "But I think, if you don't mind, you need to be careful. This could cause problems for you." She spoke with an accent, her phrasing awkward.

Clancy came back to the booth. "Is she okay?" He looked at the tracings on my arms and gasped. I was aware of his turning to Eric and whispering in amazement "She's one of the Tuatha Dé Danann… A genuine member of the tribe. They're so rare now… I haven't seen one in a hundred years. And she's got the Morrígan's mark. She's like a warrior, like one of the Cimbri."

Eric was intent upon distraction. "We need a double round free for the house. Get them drunk. Clancy, get Indira to start working the crowd. She'll know what to do. Tell Kira to rope off. No one in, no one out. Then I want any vampire not ours to report to me in the office. I counted four. Follow up with me after you have all of them in the office. Thalia, stay with Sookie."

I heard him on the phone to Maxwell as he walked away, calling him to the bar.

As if to comfort me with her own bad times, Thalia told me about her history, which was dark and sad, much like Sophie-Anne's. But she had not been as lucky in that her sire lived for hundreds of years after she was turned. She was enslaved to him and not released for four centuries. She had been very abused. She did not like men much at all and barely liked women. She just wanted her meals.

"You are lucky to live in a better time Sookie. To live here. This is why I moved to Shreveport. To live here free, to work for someone reasonable. You are lucky to live now. You can have a life, even if you have some problems. You can have choices. I have had few choices."

Someone had come over to take my photo and Thalia glammed him and then slapped him several times then broke his camera, snarling at him. She kept me distracted with stories of Greece in the 1100's and how miserable women's lives were in those times.

By the time Eric came back fifteen minutes later, Thalia and I were just sitting silent.

Eric nodded and she got up and went back to her table. He took her place next to me.

"Are you okay?" he asked quietly.

I just nodded.

"I called Niall. I don't know how to reach the Pythoness. I think…"

"She already knows," I said in a whisper.

"It's interesting that it's only when something bad is happening to someone you care about," he commented. "It's never happened when we argue."

"I will never hurt you Eric," I said, still in a whisper. I really hoped it was true. There was something just so wrong in me, I thought. That voice inside me, still in my head, so dark. Eric seemed to pick up on what I was thinking.

"Hopefully, you can just learn to control it… It's going to be fine."

"How much trouble is this causing you?" I whispered.

"It's costing a couple of rounds of drinks and a few threats, Lover. Not much. I'm more concerned about what kind of trouble it can cause you if you really hurt someone. We can cover up almost anything that would be a legal problem from tonight, though. Don't worry about it."

Something on his shirt cuff caught my eye. There was a streak of blood. But there shouldn't have been blood there, on that side of his shirt, from where I bit his other hand. It was odd.

I looked up at him, suddenly grasping something.

"What have you done? What have you done, Eric?"

In a sudden, forceful flash into his mind, I saw Eric and Clancy staking four vampires near the storeroom. I trembled.

"A few _threats_? You lied to me. You flat out lied."

"I did what I had to do to protect you. I don't want another word of complaint out of you."

I was trapped in the booth with him. Trapped in the club. But most of all, trapped in myself. I turned to see several humans still staring at me, and Thalia and Indira sweeping through the bar clearly glamming anyone who looked like trouble or looked my way. I stewed in silence, too weary, and wary, to speak to Eric about his lying or what he'd done.

Pam and Maxwell walked through the back door about 20 minutes later.

They closed the bar, emptying it within half an hour, making sure that everyone who left was drunk or glammed or both. The waitresses were also sorted.

Eric spoke to Pam and Maxwell off on the side. Pam glanced nervously in my direction.

And then Eric gathered his seven vampires nearby. He stood with arms crossed, fangs run down and eyes that glowed with intensity that showed he meant business.

"What has happened here tonight stays within our group. If any one of you reveals one iota of information about what you have seen or heard about, I will give you as long and painful a death as my very large imagination allows. And for any of you who are under the false impression that I am not prone to cruelty, I was one of those entertaining Francis Highland for Sophie-Anne after he was caught only ten years ago. And I can still think of _far_ worse things to do to any of you than were done to him."

Felicia, ever the simplest of vampires, asked simply "What _is_ she, really? She's not really human after all, is she?"

"_FOOL_!" Eric roared, bowling her over and knocking her, and Indira who was standing too nearby, down as well.

I didn't want to witness this, I got up to go to the bathroom.

"_Stay_ _put, Sookie_," he said, modulating his voice, turning around with eyes glaring at me, pointing toward the seat in the booth. I paused and then sat down again.

He paused to regain control. "There will be no further discussion of this event, even between yourselves. Are we clear? This is none of your business. All of you, except Clancy, can go back and help clean up in the storeroom and hall and be glad it isn't you on the floor."

Indira stepped forward with a basket containing cameras and cellphones.

"Destroy them" Eric said firmly, waving her off. He turned to Clancy and said "Close out the registers and finish up." Clancy went to the front of the house behind the bar.

Eric made his way back over to the booth, and pushed me back into the booth so he could sit close to me.

"I want you to read each of them, right now, and tell me if any of them will be planning to use or sell the information," he said in a low voice.

I turned to him in shock. "So you can do _what_ to them? No, I will do no such thing. How dare you even ask me to."

He leaned closer to me, and said menacingly "I'm asking you to do it nicely right now. But however we get there, you _will_ do it, Sookie."

"I won't and don't you _dare_ threaten me." I said bitterly.

He grabbed my arm where it was already bruised and squeezed. I gasped.

"What is _wrong _with you? Let go of me Eric!" I hissed. I tried to keep it quiet but I was so angry.

"These are called survival skills, my Love. Now _DO IT_!" he said in a low growl.

I slapped him and he slammed me against the back wall of the booth. I struggled and tried to rise up as he forced me back down. I heard a dull crack as my ribcage hit the table edge as I came back down into the seat. I cried out in pain. Eric pushed me back away from the table and grabbed my neck.

"_You will do it Sookie_," his eyes boring into mine.

I trembled in his hands and felt faint from the pain in my ribs. "No, I won't, Eric, I won't" I squeaked in a whisper.

He growled in a low voice nearer still to my ear "Don't make me teach you to be afraid of me, Lover" his fingers clenching my throat. I hurt everywhere. I was already afraid.

With a sob, I closed my eyes and did as he asked me.

Indira, frightened but pragmatic. No thoughts other than the mess of ash and blood and her beautiful sari being ruined.

Kira, admiring the handiwork, no thoughts of betrayal.

Maxwell Lee, sorry not to have seen it, curious, but no thoughts other than his Sheriff's edict.

Felicia, disgusted by the cleanup, angry to have been shouted at, wondering if I would tell her privately. Likes me anyway, would never tell, Sheriff's command or no.

Thalia, refusing to clean because it is beneath her, wished she could see it again, loved the _sound_ of the man hitting the wall, thinks I am worth the trouble because of the power I have that I have used to protect her, her boss and the boss's child. This is good for us, she thinks clearly. The boss was clever to have found this woman. We must keep her very safe.

Pam, not clear about what has happened and what it means. Always loyal. To me, to Eric, it is all the same, we are bound as one and the same in her mind. Worried, sensing that Eric and I are arguing.

Clancy… Clancy…. I froze. Thinking about the Tuatha Dé Danann and how useful they could be. So few, so rare, so _valuable_… yes, such a valuable piece of information…

I gasped under Eric's grip.

Eric's eyes followed my every expression while I read them. Staring at me, he flicked his eyes in Clancy's direction and then back to me. I couldn't breathe. My chest, already so painful, constricted even more and I began to tremble. In a flash Eric was out of the booth and on Clancy behind the bar. There was brief struggle and I heard snarling and then a brief scream, gurgling and a dull sawing sound that seemed to go on forever.

Eric emerged from behind the bar with Clancy's head. He walked calmly back to the storeroom and hall area and threw it in toward them.

I shuddered, feeling ill. I was now in the center of the snake pit that I had always feared. No soft surrounding to shield me or help me lie to myself about what he was. I had married this man. I had tied my life to him.

"Maxwell, you have been promoted. Unfortunately, there is more to clean."

He walked back to the booth and pulled me carefully to the edge of the seat, swinging my legs over the outside of the seat.

He looked at my arms, then my throat and then he lifted my top to examine my ribs.

"This should all heal quickly because you had my blood when you bit me. And I can give you more at home," he said gently. He brushed some stray hair out of my face and tucked it behind my ear. It was completely incongruous with what I had just witnessed.

I didn't answer. I felt numb.

He lifted me out of the booth and hesitated as if he couldn't decide if I could walk. He decided to carry me. He was gentle, and careful not to hurt my ribs further.

Without saying anything further to the other vamps, he kicked open the employees door and loaded me into the car, buckling my seatbelt. Pam came out with my purse. She glanced at my face and I saw her eyes dip to my throat. She looked at me as if I'd done my job, but sadly, as if she knew just what that had cost me. She closed the car door and went back inside. Eric paused outside the car, leaning against the driver's side roof, standing inside the area created by the open driver's door. I heard his fingers drumming on the roof of the car. He stood there for several minutes, then got in the car.

"You are upset now, but you _will_ thank me. You will come to understand it. My first goal is to keep us safe. Sometimes, the means is less than palatable, but our need justified what was required."

I turned and pressed my forehead into the cold glass of the car window. The trail of tears down my face was reflected in the glass as we drove past streetlights.

I didn't remember walking up the stairs to the bedroom when we got home or getting undressed. It was all a blur by then.

The next morning, I awoke, got dressed, and drove away.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: The Sookie Stackhouse Series is the creation of Charlaine Harris. Don't sue me Charlaine! I love your books.

A/N- Eithne is pronounced āth-na (long a sound) by most people in Ireland.

**Understanding**

II.

When I showed up at the house, Claude didn't even complain. He simply stared at me and took my hand gently, drawing me inside. I did not speak. Claudine came home from work but for once no remedy she had in her arsenal appeared to suffice. Niall, perhaps instinctively sensing the depth of the situation, rapidly made arrangements. I was moved to a safe location. I slept several days, with no knowledge of where I was. I was lost. Mute.

On October the 4th, Ieiunium Cereris, we waited at the Crossroads on a ley line that ran through a verdant area outside of Little Rock. At midnight, Eithne began to emerge in a shimmering cloud. Claudine and Niall bowed their head to her and she moved forward to see me clearly with her kind eyes.

"But there's hardly anything _left_ to her?" she said wide-eyed, in a soft brogue.

Claudine, holding my hand in hers, raised my hand to her face and pressed the back of it against her wet cheek.

"She has not spoken in the days she was with us. She does not eat. She cries in her sleep. I can do nothing to help her, to reach her."

Eithne turned to Niall and said, shaking her head soberly, "You and Pythia have waited too long. This will be long in the repair."

I remember the warmth of her hand in mine, as she me guided back across some unseen portal. And then for days, I remembered no more.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: The Sookie Stackhouse Series is the creation of Charlaine Harris. Don't sue me Charlaine! I love your books.

**Understanding**

III.

Eventually, I emerged from a state of numbness. My days were simple. I would rise at dawn, make tea for us, collect the eggs and work in the garden. We baked bread. I would play with the cats, take long walks and help cook simple meals. I slept many days from sunset to sunrise. We lived in silence, with Eithne only occasionally telling me things with her mind. I spent several months without speaking a word out loud, savoring the sound of silence. One day we went into Navan for supplies. I wore a scarf over my head, protecting my face from the chill air. A child sitting on a fence offered me a willow wreath as we passed. I looked into the child's solemn face, connecting to him with my eyes.

"You are beautiful lady. You and all your kind."

I found, for the first time in more than two months, my voice.

"Thank you," I said nodding my head. It seemed strange to hear the sound of my voice, light and with a pleasant timbre. I tried to remember the sound of that other voice, but time had succeeded in banishing it from my memories.

Winter arrived and the garden was done for the year. I learned to weave and my hands were well suited to the work. I took long walks in the snow on the moor. I slept. I still seldom spoke.

After four months of rest, in the last gasp of winter chill, as the crocuses poked through the dust of snow still on the ground, Eithne thought at last I was ready to begin. I began to use my mind not just to read people, animals and things, but to focus my energy _into_ them. As spring came, the gardens began to bloom richly with the care I gave them. Life seemed to bloom effortlessly in the earth around her cottage. Eithne would summon spirits of all kinds to amuse me in the reading. I learned to read the energy in all things, not just in the mind. Eithne tempted me with the idea of healing. We visited people in their homes and though often still silent, I would focus on their wellbeing, seeing their ills and seeking relief for them.

In early March, Eithne received a packet with letters. She placed them on the table for me and said that they would wait until I was ready to read them. I set them aside. A week later, I picked up one.

It was from Jason, much to my surprise. He said that he hoped that I was well, or at least doing better. He did not quite understand what had happened but hoped that I was doing whatever I needed to do to be well enough to come home. He said that he had been checking on the house, to make sure that things were in good shape for Amelia and Octavia throughout the winter. He was well. His daughter had been born. They had named her Ava.

The following day, I read a letter from Sam. It was a sweet, slightly formal letter, in which he told me about goings on in Merlotte's and in Bon Temps, in general. He closed in saying that he had not realized that while he had always been busy watching over me, that I had been such a good friend to him in my quiet way. He had no one to whom he could talk as he could to me and he missed me terribly.

The sense of the loss- of normalcy, of my former life- was overwhelming. I had never felt so alone before, even after Gran died. I was seized with crying and did not speak again for several days.

Another week went by, one in which I learned to better control my emotions and to temper my abilities by intense directed meditation. Grounding myself was so difficult for me. Emotion just unhinged me, caused me to spin out of control. Eithne was unsure I should ever do magic of the sort I had wrought twice in the past. In a long conversation with someone, likely Pythia and largely out of my earshot, she made reference to the fact that physically, I just did not seem suited for the energy that had found it's way into me. I had grown long and lean in my months with her. Although my breasts were still quite ample, my curves were fewer and with only the work of the garden and weaving I had become more muscular and lithe. I had the sense that I had even grown taller. My face had grown thinner, my eyes darker blue in color. One day when I caught my reflection in the glass of a window I was struck by how changed I looked. But my body was a fragile reservoir for the energy I could tap into. Magic, Eithne thought, could simply drain me dry if I was not properly guided.

My mind on the other hand, after years of working on my own, was now pliable and versatile. She encouraged me and said she could help me both hone my skills and protect myself from the negative emotions that seemed to crush my spirit. She taught me words of healing, in the process of healing me. In visits to the elderly or ill in County Meath, I found that I could leaven others' hearts and minds with a simple touch and a few words. The grieving especially appeared to benefit from my thoughts focused on alleviating their sorrow. I didn't need Eithne to explain the reasons for my connection to those who grieve.

I opened Pam's letter, and Amelia's, on the same day.

Pam's letter, written with the beautiful handwriting of the era of her human life, was light and funny, detailing amusing anecdotes of adventures with Felicia, involving shopping at all night clothing stores. She closed with an uncharacteristically emotional statement, saying that I was the closest thing that she had had in her vampire life to a sister, and that she hoped that I would have the good sense to get well and come home soon.

Amelia's letter related taking care of the house, of Jason's work on keeping things up outside for them and providing them firewood for the winter. She and Olivia were taking students at home, and hoped I wouldn't mind. They weren't letting any of them stay overnight and had been careful not to let them do any work near any of my personal things. She and Tray were considering a more serious commitment. She wanted to talk to me about it, but wanted to see me in person to do so.

The last letter remained unopened until almost the end of the month. I would walk by the table when doing chores in the cottage and stroke the air above it with my fingers. Trying to slowly inure myself to the emotions it represented.

On the afternoon of the 29th, Eithne and I visited the Lia Fáil, the Stone of Destiny, on the Hill of Tara, near the banks of the Boyne. The Lia Fáil was brought to Ireland, legend would have it, by the Tuatha Dé Danann. The stone of kings, it was considered to have magical powers. I sat near the base of the stone, wrapped in my cloak, with my hands placed on the pillar of stone to meditate. I saw visions of home, of family, of loved ones present and lost. I saw visions of a future in which I would be working in some way with various supernatural groups, and between these groups and humans. I saw a path laid out before me, and my living a long life. I saw a pair of deep blue eyes meeting mine as if in a mirror. I gazed at them for some time and then turned away.

Eithne watched me carefully upon my return to the cottage. I sat at the table looking at Eric's letter. I had been gone about six months and today was my first wedding anniversary. Eithne brushed my hair and put it up as I sat looking at the letter. I sighed and tears brimmed in my eyes as I reached for it. I opened the letter to find a short note in Eric's strong, firm handwriting.

* * *

_Sookie,_

_I hope that you can find it in your heart to forgive me._

_I wait for you. I love you._

_Eric_

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Eithne's thoughts swirled around me, in deft, healing whispers. To no avail.

He had sworn to protect me and he had. But the cost had been too much to bear. The brutality of that night was like a hot brand on my soul.

I rose and looked out at the hills and moors of County Meath, pressed my forehead to the cold glass of the window and lost myself in the painful memories of that night. Keening softly, I watched the reflection of my tears in the glass as if they were the rain.

Eithne sighed heavily. We would begin again.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: The Sookie Stackhouse Series is the creation of Charlaine Harris. Don't sue me Charlaine! I love your books.

**Understanding**

IV.

As I sat weaving, Eithne would often sing or talk to me. My fingers had become swift with the shuttle and the soothing repetitive motions of weaving were like meditation to me. Our deepest 'conversations' took place in these times.

_Why do you reject your connection to her?_

_I am unlike the Morrígan. I am not a seer, I am not a warrior and the only change in my shape has been to a lesser version of myself._

_And yet many would say and have said that you are fierce. That you have fought courageously by their side in your own way. And you have long seen into the hearts and minds of others. You have used your skill for good._

The air grew chill around us as I drew in my breath and my back stiffened.

_Not always for good._

_What would you have had him do, child?_

_I would rather have died than have those others die because of me._

_That would have benefitted no one. Their fates had drawn them to that place for a purpose._

_I don't believe in fate. I believe in choice._

_He made what he thought was the best possible choice, my child._

_He used my gift, against my will, to commit murder. He forced me to do something despicable._

_Perhaps. But what harm might have come to all of you had he not been willing to fight with you to keep you safe? They had sworn to protect you and he, too, was bound by that oath. Fighting so with one you love is no small battle. _

_He betrayed my trust in him. He threatened me, hurt me, broke my bones. Forced me to do things I had promised myself never to do._

_He saved you, child. The physical pain he rendered you is small in comparison to what it cost him to cause it._

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Given my telepathic gift, Eithne was relentless on the issue of scrying.

_It is in your blood. If you do not learn to control it now, it will come upon you just as the Word did, when you are ill prepared. It could do you harm or mean harm for others._

_I will not look into the water. I do not desire to see the future. I have enough to deal with in my present and immediate past. I have made a complete mess of my life and that of others. Do not ask this of me._

_You are such a harsh mistress of yourself, my child. _She sighed. _But that, too, is in your blood._

_

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_

On another day, returning to the subject of my bloodline connection,

_You say you are not like her and yet you, too, have marked others for death and have killed by your own hand. You marked Andre and another did your work. You did not harm him yourself, though he planned harm to you. Lorena, Rasul, these two you marked out because of their actions against those you love. You were the agent of their death. You chose them._

_I did not choose Lorena. She chose herself._

_No. You chose yourself, your once lover, over her. Look back and see what you really felt for this woman. You despised her from the moment her actions were revealed to you. You even asked for her death at the hands of another. And as for Rasul, you cannot hide from the fact that you had marked him from the moment you truly saw him. You have looked into some souls and have seen evil there. You have chosen to blot that out, in a quick fashion, with mercy. Surely you do not regret these deaths or that of the were woman who tried to kill you?_

I was silent.

_Perhaps, then, you need to contemplate the difference between regretting your actions and regretting that such actions were necessary. It might give you better insight into your lover, as well._

_That is an argument which one makes to rationalize the very worst in our nature._

_You do not even see your nature clearly, my child. You are still afraid of it, rejecting it. And that is why it will tear you apart. You must make peace with yourself. You cannot stay here forever, hiding from yourself. I will not let you betray yourself in that way._

_

* * *

  
_

On July 1st, my 29th birthday, Niall and Claudine came to visit me.

I sat with them in the gardens of the cottage. Claudine sat next to me, holding my hand in hers.

"You find me much changed, Claudine," I said to her, reading her as easily as if she'd spoken the words.

"You seem more at peace, Sookie. But yes, you are changed, even in your appearance. You actually look more Fae or Elven. Tall and graceful. Not that you were not beautiful before, of course."

"Eithne says the water of the Boyne brings out one's nature. But I am not much Fae or Elven, though." I smiled softly. I looked into her eyes. "You see the sadness in me and it pains you. I am okay, Claudine. As best as I could be expected to be. There's no easy remedy for what ails, me, unfortunately."

She bowed her head. I put my other hand on top of hers and turned to Niall.

"What news of the world, grandfather? How is my cousin Victor faring?

"He sends you his fond affection. Victor has overthrown the King of Mississippi and is consolidating his position. He has broken with Felipe de Castro and placed himself at great risk because of his ambitions."

I chuckled inwardly, with a rueful smile. "Perhaps he will have finally learned to be careful what he wishes for." After a moment's reflection on that thought, I moved on.

Niall hesitated but then spoke the question in his mind, "You do not ask about Eric?"

I sighed with a shudder. What could I ask about Eric, I thought? He still lived, clearly, because I did. What more was there to know that Niall could relate about the man I loved but felt I couldn't quite forgive for being what he was, for doing what he'd done.

I withdrew my hand from Claudine's, rose and turned to look out over the green hills of County Meath.

"What do you want to tell me about Eric, grandfather?"

"I would have done nothing different from what he did that night, Sookie."

"Perhaps you'd be just as wrong, then."

"They were all sworn to defend you and had he not made those choices they all might have died doing so and still not saved you. He made a difficult and horrible choice, but it was the only choice to achieve what was needed. You needed to be protected from being exploited, from being killed outright by some who might fear you when you were still so ill prepared to defend yourself." He hesitated to speak again and I turned to look at him. "He has suffered greatly from his loss of you, Sookie. You do not even let him feel you?"

"I have not been well enough to want anyone other than Eithne to sense me, grandfather. I have little memory of my first month here. I did not even speak for two months. I am barely recovered and will have to come to stay every year for some time to come. In any case, he would not have liked what I felt."

"He had a vision of you looking at him on your anniversary. It caused him to hope, but he has seen and heard nothing from you since then."

I bent to pull up a weed, then stood tall.

"I was at the Lia Fáil that day. I saw his eyes. I didn't know that it could cause him to see me, as well. It wasn't my intention and I'm sorry if it has caused him pain."

Niall looked at me, shaking his head. "It caused him _joy_, Sookie. It is his only hope that you will return to him. He has told me that."

"He will find me changed, grandfather. I am not the same person I was. I can't be." I paused and spoke the hard truth. "I don't know if we can still be together."

He looked shocked. "Surely, you will not renounce him?" he said drawing in his breath sharply.

"No. No, I would never renounce him… I just mean I do not know that I can be with him."

Niall looked away from me.

"Eithne says that you resist using the magic that you possess."

"I don't trust myself. There is a violence in me which I reject. I don't know if I can control it. I wish that I was of Brigit's line like Eithne. I wish… I wish things were very different from what they are."

_But they are not different, child,_ I heard Eithne's voice say. _What is, is._

I sighed. Accepting my nature was never going to be easy. I turned back to them.

"I will be back at the end of the month. I have to appear early next month at the summit with the Pythoness. She has work for me." I turned to Claudine. "May I stay with you and Claude when I come home?"

Claudine looked at me sadly and nodded.

* * *

After they departed, Eithne and I walked on the moor at dusk. In the moonlight, the ice blue tracings on Eithne's hands and forearms shone, as did Brigid's symbol of fire on her forehead. She turned to me, questioning.

"You still will not show yourself?"

I sighed heavily and then caught on to some internal flame. The marks flared out on my skin and I felt the crescent on my brow.

_You will need these my child. These symbols of your power and wisdom may anchor the respect of others. You will have to accept that there are instances in which they will not be enough. You must honor those who are sworn to you by not placing them into the position of defending you, when you are now more than capable of defending yourself._

I nodded, then bowed my head to her.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: The Sookie Stackhouse Series is the creation of Charlaine Harris. Don't sue me Charlaine! I love your books.

**Understanding**

A/N- Ciarán is pronounced like Kieran (keer-un)

V.

It was 10:30 am when I walked into Merlotte's with Ciarán at my side. I was dressed in dark green silk slacks and a lighter green silk shirt, with one of my handwoven muted shades of green and brown shawls wrapped around my shoulders. From the back office I heard,

"We're not open yet. Not 'til 11 am."

"Well, I guess I'll just have to wait then," I called back.

After a momentary silence and some sniffing of the air, Sam came bolting around to the front.

"Sookie!"

I smiled at his kind face. "Sam!"

He came to a standstill and looked awestruck by me. And he was equally struck by Ciarán, who was about 6' 5", slender, fair skinned, dark haired, green-eyed and typically fae gorgeous.

After looking me over he glanced down at my feet to see that I was not wearing heels. He looked puzzled.

"A bit of Irish magic, Sam. I grew about three inches. They say it's the water of the Boyne. This is Ciarán, a friend of Claudine and Claude's. He's escorting me around. Bodyguard, you know," I said with a smile. "It's _so_ good to see you, Sam."

He wanted to hug me but was acting shy. I gathered him into my arms to hug him, to make it okay.

"Can I get you a cup of coffee?"

"I would love a cup, Sam. Ciarán?" Ciarán waved his hand as if to say, _no_. He didn't much go in for human foods I'd noticed.

"So how have things been in Bon Temps? How are Holly and Tanya?" I asked.

"Well, everything's been fine. Tanya's good. Cody's doing really well and Holly's been mighty proud of his grades the past year and he's doing cross country already for the start of school in late August."

We sat and chatted for a while. He updated me on all the goings on, including the fact that Terry Bellefleur was dating a werefox and had even seen her change. Holly and Hoyt were still a solid item and it looked like Hoyt was thinking about popping the question. Amelia and Tray had gotten engaged. He was relieved I knew already that Amelia and Octavia were conducting small classes for witches out of the Stackhouse home. He mentioned that Jason and Crystal were arguing about their baby and I was glad I hadn't called Jason yet. Poor Ava, I thought.

He danced around the subject of waitresses and then asked me whether I would be returning to work.

"Actually, I _will_ be working, but sadly not for you, Sam. I'll be able to tell you more about it after the summit in Madison."

"You're attending the summit again?"

"Yes, I am doing a job for the Ancient Pythoness."

He seemed to bite his tongue on hearing that information.

As it drew close to 11 am, I rose. "I have to go back, Sam. I just wanted to see you with my own eyes and chat like old times."

"You aren't staying in Bon Temps, then?" He really meant was I staying in Shreveport.

I paused, then said, "No, Sam, I'm staying elsewhere, with friends. I'll probably be back in Bon Temps for a bit after the summit, though. Then I have to go back to Ireland."

Sam looked at me, trying to decide whether or not to ask me if I'd even been to see Eric. He wavered. I'd make it easy for him by answering what he hadn't asked.

"I'll see Eric at the summit, Sam. But I'm so glad to have seen you. I missed you so much."

Ciarán and I then went to my house, where I found only Octavia. Amelia was out on a job. Her side business of offering magical protection had really taken off since the Weres had come out. Many supes wanted protections for their homes, businesses and children. Octavia was speechless for the first few minutes I was in the house, and looked from me to Ciarán and back to me, many times. I introduced him and said he was a friend of Claudine and Claude's who was acting as my protection. She nodded, still looking stunned.

I sorted through a few clothing items in my room but knew I was going to have to continue the process of getting a new wardrobe. The waters of the Boyne and magic of County Meath and Tara had brought out whatever was in my blood and whatever it was was tall and thin. With my height greater and my figure leaner than I'd ever remembered it since I was an adolescent, few of my clothes fit. I took Gran's cashmere sweater, however, along with some toiletry items and a favorite nail polish.

I looked out my bedroom window and sighed heavily to think that this home, where I was raised and spent most of my life, now felt rather foreign to me. I stifled a sob. My whole life was like that in a way, now. Ciarán tried to comfort me. He was a gentle person.

After writing a quick note to tell Amelia how sorry I was to have missed her, and offer my congratulations on her engagement, I hugged Octavia goodbye, and Ciarán and I headed back to Monroe, as Ciarán watched carefully to make sure that we were not followed. Both Niall and the Pythoness were still concerned for my safety. But I knew I was safe. Eithne had taught me well.


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: The Sookie Stackhouse Series is the creation of Charlaine Harris. Don't sue me Charlaine! I love your books.

**Understanding**

VI.

The hotel was like a fortress. The Athenée was very French themed but the security was very Big Brother themed as far as I was concerned. It seemed that after the Rhodes summit, and reported kidnapping and murder at the Memphis summit, any hotel that catered to vampire summit meetings spent a fortune on security.

My room was immediately next to Pythia's suite. There was no view to speak of because of the dark lightproofing glass but I had had months of the view of the moors, heathland and hills. I could bear with it for a few days, I thought. The room was pleasant and spacious.

I was actually looking forward to seeing Pythia again in person. She had inquired extensively about my recovery, and my progress. She'd sent small gifts, and encouraging words. She had been artlessly kind to me. She treated me both as an equal and as a bright child, with whom you should be patient, while they discover the world. We had spoken for several hours in late June, when she explained her desire to have me attend the Madison summit with her. As difficult as she could be, I had come to really like her a great deal.

When I arrived, Pythia had already been checked in since the previous night. I went to her room around 7:30 pm to speak with one of her handmaidens only to find Pythia awake and accusing me of keeping her waiting.

"Pythia, the sun does not even set for another _hour_!"

"I am awake _now_ however, and if you had bothered to even think about me, you would have realized that you were, therefore, _late_."

One of the handmaidens looked at me with shock when I burst out into laughter.

_Cranky today, are we? _I moved closer to her and regarded her carefully. _Pythia, you do not look well._

_At my age, looking like I'm here at all is heartening._

I smiled. _You exaggerate. You just do not look as well as you did last year. You are so pale. Are you only using synthetic blood? It's not working for you. I thought your handmaidens…._

_Are you offering some of yours? It must be very addicting. It appears that Viking considers it irreplaceable. Talk about looking pale._

"Don't be rude to me, please" I said quietly but firmly out loud.

_I am merely observing things. Are you offering yours? It was quite nice in the sample I had. I am simply bored with feeding off those around me. They all taste the same. Boring. Thousands of years and all the same. Even Royalty Blended is boring. I've had it all before._

_If you have a sharp knife, I'll give you some of mine. In a glass. Or a syringe or something._

_Tsk, tsk. So sterile. Likely an empty offer._

_I'm not kidding. I really would. In a glass. No biting._

_Be careful or I may take you up on it._

_I was sincere. I appreciate what you say about getting bored at times. Not to change the subject, but a very different note, are you truly sure that you wish me to take on this job at present?_

_Are you actually questioning me? No one questions me. It is bad form. It is not done._

_In a respectful way, yes. I am still not completely well. A poor performance on my part would reflect on you and I do not wish to cause you problems or disappoint you. You have been nothing but kind to me. _

_You will never be completely well, Sookie. _This was said with a smile and an eyebrow raised over one blind eye.

_Why thank you. I feel so comforted._

_You won't be because you don't resolve things with him, and you are still at odds with yourself. I really don't know which is more annoying. To have found someone with real skills who has rendered herself useless as my replacement or to find someone with real skills who doesn't quite want to use them? I am so lucky to have this conundrum embodied in one person._

I ignored her. _I will go and change. 10 pm?_

_Sharp._

_Of course._

_I have sent you two guards._

_It is kind but excessive. And I do not think I need them._

_It is my wish._

I nodded to her, though she could not see the gesture, and went to my room.

**

* * *

  
**

I followed the Ancient Pythoness out on the stage. I sat on lower chair, near her. Her decree that serious disputes between various supernatural races or humans and vampires would be handled by a new member of her retinue was greeted with a lot of buzzing. Murmuring audiences did not please Pythia. She then introduced me by name as her selected representative. The audience fell silent.

"This child was identified to you by me last year. She is descended from the Tuatha Dé Danann. I would strongly suggest, that in spite of her charming appearance, you take that seriously. She will handle all non-royal judicial matters to have been heard by me during this summit. She will begin tonight at 2 am. Her word is my word, her decrees are mine. Question her position and you question me, which I would not recommend."

I looked at the audience as they took in that massively unpopular decree and read their inner commentary.

Pythia focused her thoughts to me.

_They'll get use to it. Just be prepared to throw your weight around when challenged. Try not to kill anyone too important for challenging you alone._

_I don't want to kill anyone at all, Pythia!_

_Yet. Trust me, a few more years and it will seem as if in some cases it would be a better, longer lasting solution._ _We can always make more you know…_

In spite of her warning, there were several questions about the new edict from the audience. The Ancient Pythoness really does not like being questioned about her edicts… She threw a goblet at one of the vampires and hit him square in the face in spite of her being blind.

I looked out at the audience and saw familiar faces. I smiled ever so slightly at Pam. I had sent her a note earlier asking her to come to my room when she had time. Bill and Victor and Felipe were all scattered in the audience. I was very aware of the absence of Eric, but then he entered by a door on the side of the room. I did not make eye contact with him. My heart rate accelerated at the sight of him.

_Remember, I get blood before he does. You offered it to me first. _She laughed internally.

I ignored her.

As she finished her presentation and we rose to leave, I asked one of my guards to request that Eric come to my room at 11 pm. I would have to get this over with. I would have to make peace with him, with myself. Otherwise I would be too anxious at a time in which I needed my greatest focus and calm.


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: The Sookie Stackhouse Series is the creation of Charlaine Harris. Don't sue me Charlaine! I love your books.

**Understanding**

VII.

I tried to stay out of his head as he heard my request and in the half hour leading to his arrival at my door. At the very least, I thought, I should leave him alone. I, meanwhile, was on tenterhooks.

Only moments before he was due to arrive, one of the handmaidens knocked on the inner door connecting my room to Pythia's suite and presented me with a small ceremonial type dagger with a razor sharp blade.

I chuckled. What vampire can turn down blood? Especially interesting or exotic blood. I motioned for her to come in and went to retrieve a glass. After checking to see that it was clean and not dusty, I nicked a vein in my left forearm an inch above the fine trace of a scar that remained from my marriage ceremony. I stood, holding the glass under the cut and let the blood drain into the glass with my arm lower than my heart level. I wasn't sure how much she would need, given her age. Her handmaiden seemed to sense my dilemma and peeked at the glass and said,

"Oh, that's probably fine."

"If we ever do this again, I think a syringe would work better. This way, some clings to the glass."

"I'll tell her your suggestion."

Just as she headed back to the suite, there was a knock at my door.

"Come" I said while trying to figure out what to do with my wrist. The demon guard opened the door and I nodded to him.

My heart lit up when Eric entered the room. He was wearing a black suit, with his usual dark red silk shirt. While I discreetly applied pressure to my wrist I gestured with my chin that he could sit on the small couch.

"Thank you for coming," I said, trying to be polite.

He did not reply as he sat. I could feel immense turmoil coming off of him. He seemed to be assessing every inch of me, hungrily. He looked at me with such intensity, I felt as if his eyes could just suck me inside him.

I drew closer to really look at him. He looked positively ashen. Every bit as bad as Pythia had implied. He still wore the ring. He looked, under a thin veneer of 'I can do this', positively miserable.

"Are you… alright, Eric? You're so ashen. If you prefer to talk later, I understand." I didn't know what to say exactly. Go get juiced up and then we'll talk?

"Ten months of synthetic blood does _not_ do a body good."

I didn't know what to say to that, either. I had a very hard time envisioning Eric drinking only synthetic for more than about 48 hours. Had he really been on synthetic blood the entire time I was gone? It was astonishing to me. But I supposed that getting what I wanted to discuss out of the way might be part of a solution for him.

"I am back for a few weeks before I return to Ireland. I am still not completely well. But I suppose more to the point is that I realize…" I stopped. This was so much harder than I'd imagined it in my mind. I tried to stop working my hands fretfully.

Eric's face tipped up to me, as if he was waiting to see what I'd say. I looked into his eyes… stay on topic, I said to myself. Focus.

"I realize that I am changed from when we made our bond. I would understand if you wanted to diminish the bond so that you could be… happier."

He was now looking as if he was trying to figure out my strategy and the reason why I was asking him this. The same Eric, even if he looked unwell. What was the real strategy here, what does she want?

"I mean it as a genuine offer Eric. It is _not_ a strategy."

"Who's the fairy?"

"I beg your pardon?" I asked, unprepared for and confused by the question. In my imagined version of this scene there had been no non sequiturs.

"I have heard that you are now with someone else. Who is he?" He looked as if he was struggling to contain himself. His face was filled with tension and the feelings I could see in him as he asked the question were a dark maelstrom.

Where on earth could he have gotten such an idea? Had Sam and Octavia thought that Ciarán was my _lover_? I was just stunned. I had thought they were bowled over because he was tall and good-looking, pretty much like your typical fairy, though he was unusually tall. He was guarding me as a favor to Claudine. I'd even told them so. I would never thought to probe their thoughts about why they thought he was with me. I thought they'd take my word at face value. And they'd told _Eric_ this? I was mortified.

In spite of my wonderful bloodline and excellent training, I blushed.

"Eric, Ciarán is basically Claude's _boyfriend_. I don't know who told you I am with someone else but it's not true. I've been celibate. As I said, this isn't a strategy or a ploy. I want you to be happy."

Relief flooded into Eric's face. Even his color improved, though not by much. He seemed to gain a feeling of great strength from the revelation that there was nothing to the idea I was with someone else. One less hurdle, he seemed to be thinking, though his thoughts were remote.

"You propose eliminating the blood bond we made not once but twice, as part of our marriage, and with all of the exchanges that we have had, to make me _happy_?"

"I'm asking if it would make you happi_er_, yes."

"Even if it would, how could you possibly diminish our bond? You'd be hard pressed to find a stronger bond than ours, Sookie." My heart fluttered to hear him speak my name.

I sighed. This was the part I didn't like. "I could become bonded to Pythia. She's 2,362 years old. I think that her blood would supersede yours in a bond, even with all the exchanges."

He looked totally caught off guard by this idea. "Do you _want_ to be bound to her?"

I looked down, not able to meet his eyes for a moment. I did not want to be, but I was willing to do it if it was necessary. If it was bad enough to think of really and finally losing my connection to Eric, the thought of her blood and its possible side effects really scared me. Looking at what trouble I'd gotten into with Eric's blood, which Eithne considered to have been the real trigger to my powers, I shuddered to imagine what Pythia's might do. I'd already thought out the plan so that I'd have to do it right before returning to Eithne in order to have a safe place to deal with it. But if that's what I had to do, I'd do it for him. He should be able to move on with his life.

"I'm not talking about what I want. I'm asking what _you_ want. I know you have been very unhappy. I don't want you to be unhappy."

"If you want to dump me, why can't you just tell me straight out?" Eric said, with an edge to his voice. He looked at me in an unsuccessful attempt to be cold. He looked more fearful than cold.

"I'm not trying to dump you. I'm telling you that I realize I am not the person you married, the person you bound yourself to. I'm offering you an easy out. A way to move on."

He stood up abruptly. "If you want to make me happy, come home. Make me grovel and ask your forgiveness. Make me feel bad for having hurt you in order to keep you safe. For forcing you to do something you had always fought to avoid doing. _That _would make me happy. But don't ask me if I want to get rid of the only thing I have left of you."

He moved toward the door. Then he wheeled around and looked at me intensely.

"Whether you let me feel you or not, I _know_ you still love me, Sookie. I don't need a blood bond to know it. I _know_ you do. You're wasting valuable time. We don't have hundreds of years to work it out, unless more has changed than just what I can see."

At just that moment there was a knock on the door. It was Pam. I could feel her presence outside.

I walked toward the door and put my hand on Eric's arm as I tried to move past him to open the door. He looked down at me and then suddenly pulled me to him and kissed me full on the mouth. I swayed on my feet and pushed him away.

"That's Pam outside."

"Am I dismissed?" he said coolly.

"No, if you want to stay, you can stay. I just meant…" Oh never mind, I thought. He knows what I meant.

I opened the door, nodding to the guard.

Pam broke into a smile and hugged me. Then she took in the fact that Eric was in the room and seemed to hesitate.

"I can come back if it's bad timing. This was just the first I could get away."

"No, it's fine Pam, don't be silly." I took her hand and led her into the room. I avoided looking at Eric.

Pam seemed to get the idea she was really intruding. Eric's standing there glaring at her with his arms crossed seemed to be the source of that impression. I ignored him.

We sat on the couch and I fingered the sleeve of her blouse, which was a soft peach linen.

"This is really beautiful. It puts me in mind of your letter, which I so enjoyed reading. About you and Fi shopping. I read it several times. I apologize for not writing back to you."

"You were in Ireland, right? Where?"

I had to be oblique about that. Eithne's cottage and property were a sheltered place.

"In County Meath." A pretty big place…

"Were you at Tara?"

I hesitated. "No, I wasn't in Tara. I really can't be specific. But I was in Meath."

She looked at me as if puzzled that I wouldn't tell her more. I felt sad that there was a gulf between us in a way. We used to share so many things but now there were things I could share with no one other than Eithne.

"Are you better now? You look so beautiful and luminous, Sookie. Like you, but almost like you glow. But are you really better?"

I hesitated. Better was relative.

"I am better than I was when I left, yes."

"Claudine only told us about how bad it was after you had gone. I went to see her in Monroe. She told me that you were very… ill. She seemed almost in despair over you. She said she couldn't help you this time. We were all very afraid for you. Is the person you went to also a fairy?"

"Pam, it's a bit awkward to discuss. I can't give you a lot of information. But no, she's not a full blooded fairy. She is like me but has more fae blood and more Tuatha Dé blood but from a different line in the tribe."

"And she helped you recover?"

"Yes," I nodded, "She has helped me immensely. I return to her in three weeks."

Pam looked surprised and disappointed. "You're not coming home?" she whispered sadly, eyes darting toward Eric.

"I… I am not fully recovered, Pam. I am more at ease staying with her. The magic comes at a heavy price for me. All of it came at a heavy price. I came here at the request of the Pythoness. I don't know how long it will be before I can return to my life here." I thought to myself that I wondered if I could return.

She touched my wrist gently. "You are so thin… Amelia told me that Octavia said you had actually grown taller, that you were very changed. It looks to me as if you just stretched."

I smiled. "That's a good way of looking at it, I suppose. I have indeed stretched myself. They say it is the water of the Boyne river that brings out the characteristics of your bloodline. But enough about me, I didn't ask you to visit to talk about me. How have you been?"

I looked at her tenderly. She still looked like Alice in Wonderland as a vampire, of course but now, with my new eyes, I could see the dark clouds behind her eyes. The pain of Memphis still lingered in her deeply, a year later.

"I'm fine," she replied briskly.

I looked at her kindly. "You are still so troubled Pam. You still don't rest easily. The memories still plague you," I said quietly.

Her eyes, guarded, met mine. "I always told you I don't like you in my mind, Sookie."

"I'm not reading your mind, Pam. Consider it reading your heart, or just all of you. Your energy. You are still so damaged by it, my dear friend."

She looked away. "I'm fine," she repeated firmly.

I picked up her left hand. "Trust me, Pam. Let me help you? If I can?" I placed her hand over my heart and touched my left hand to her cheek, bowing my head slightly with closed eyes, I whispered healing words I had learned over many months in Eithne's care, spoken again and again to me. Pam let out a little gasp, as she looked at the ice blue markings revealing themselves on my hands and arms. I felt her look up at my face where the upturned crescent would be illuminated on my forehead. I envisioned her free of the _pain_ of her memories, I drew them out of her and, with a whisper of a breath, blew them away from her.

When I opened my eyes and looked up, I saw tears running down her face. I hugged her, holding her head on my shoulder, rocking softly, whispering to her. Eric watched us, no longer looking angry and tense. He looked at me with something that approached reverence.

Pam stirred. She pulled back and looked at me, but did not speak.

I smiled distantly. "It was worth the price of admission, as they say, to be able to help you." I reflected on the fact that I felt better about healing work than anything that had happened in the past year. It was the only thing that I felt happy about in my new skill set.

_But it's not the most important in the role you will fulfill._

I groaned internally. _Pythia, you are so intrusive at times. I can really see why you and Niall are like oil and water._

_You have resolved nothing with the Viking. You run from him but he will pursue you. You have underestimated both him, and yourself._

_I'm not having this conversation with you, and I'm certainly not having it now. This is Eithne's work with me, not yours._

_She is too easy on you. She is too soft hearted. She thinks you fragile, but I do not. That is all an illusion. But no matter. You need to clear your mind to be ready to work. To enforce my edicts. To make my law._

I snapped out of the conversation to see that Eric and Pam were both looking at me, almost expectantly.

"I'm sorry. I was distracted for a moment."

"What did you do to your wrist?" Pam asked looking askance at the cut.

"It's nothing." I rose and went to the dresser, opening a drawer and withdrew a cuff bracelet which I put over the cut.

Eric came up behind me and slid the bracelet off my arm and looked at the cut, which was obviously over a vein. He held my wrist with his other hand and traced the fine scar that I'd left on my wrist from our second bond with his thumb. His touch made me shiver.

"You gave blood to someone. Why? And why did they not heal you?"

"It is none of your business. It doesn't matter." I turned and retrieved the bracelet from him then placed it back on my arm. "I'm afraid I must go next door. I have to prepare."

"I could heal it for you," Eric said looking down at me, almost eagerly. He still held my wrist in his left hand.

"That won't be necessary," I said brusquely, withdrawing my arm from his hand.

Pam looked at us and shook her head. She wondered why, if I could do all this healing, I did not heal the wound between Eric and me. If only I knew how, I thought. If only I knew how…

I left the room abruptly and went next door.


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: The Sookie Stackhouse Series is the creation of Charlaine Harris. Don't sue me Charlaine! I love your books.

**Understanding**

VIII.

The idea of a non-vampire ruling on vampire related issues was extremely unpopular. Pythia knew it would be but she was looking for a way to move forward in the perception of justice and integration of vampires into the larger world. Vampires could decide matters between themselves, but there were a growing number of disputes between vampires and other supernatural groups and vampires and humans. Matters between different supernatural groups had become increasingly contentious since the Were revelation. With Weres out in the general world at last, their treatment as second class citizens by vampires was a point of increasing divisiveness. My odd position, as a special breed of human, and as friend to various weres and Were packs, along with my ties to the Fae and marriage to a vampire, had made her determined to put me in a position of power resolving issues between vampires and other groups. While I hoped for something more along the lines of mediation, Pythia was looking for a strong arm, to build actual jurisprudence. She told me in that she said she believed I had a fine moral sense and would not be swayed by power. That I was in a unique position because of my many ties to various groups. She also felt I was someone powerful enough to guarantee adherence to a new code that would satisfy both vampire law and written law of the land.

Before I went into the room that would serve as my court, I grasped the deep orange fire opal pendant hanging around my neck. Eithne's gift, a reminder of the fire of Brigid. On the longer chain below it, I felt my wedding ring, which had never left me, even in my darkest times. I took a deep breath, touching the opal again. There would be no going back from this point, I knew. My life would change forever.

_I am with you, child. _Eithne's voice stilled my qualms.

I walked in and sat down on what could only be described as a throne. All present had risen except for a vampire who looked at me in a positively surly fashion. I regarded him with a cold stare.

Pythia's personal judicial attorney, a half-demon by the name of Mr. Nikolaidis, called the first case, involving a dispute between a vampire who had repeatedly assaulted the younger non-supe sibling of a Were. The Were, a relatively young man by the name of John Tennant, had brought the matter before the Court when the vampire, Christopher Scully of St. Louis, had failed to respond his maker's evidently tepid request to desist.

Scully it turned out, was the surly vampire. He rose to his feet and claimed I had no jurisdiction over him and that he didn't care what the Pythoness said about it. My color, in the form of all my Tuatha Dé markings, rose high. I promptly slammed him up into the wall behind me and pinned him there without moving from my seat or even batting an eyelash.

"We will leave Mr. Scully for last," I informed Mr. Nikolaidis. "My apologies to Mr. Tennant and his family for the slight delay."

Scully began shouting obscenities and insults behind me. Without turning, I said in a loud clear voice,

"Mr. Scully, if you do not shut your mouth, I will shut it for you and you will find yourself feeding through a straw for the next year. I strongly suggest that you be quiet." To punctuate the point I blasted him with a ring of violet flame that surrounded him, after first scorching him. The smell of burning hair filled the room.

The reaction from the audience was rather dramatic. There were gasps and loud murmurings. Mr. Nikolaidis was forced to call for quiet. Over the next hour and a half I kept Christopher Scully pinned to the wall behind me like a butterfly, while listening to cases of contract violation, theft, and property damage. More and more people began to enter the room, the rumors of the spectacle of a vampire pinned to a wall by that Stackhouse woman evidently luring them in. Felipe, with a small entourage, was the first King in the room. He displaced a row near the front and watched with genuine interest. (He had always promoted better intersupernatural and human relations. This Court seemed right in line with his thoughts.) There was finally only tight standing room. Bill stood, leaning against the wall off to my right, looking at me with rapt fascination. He had appeared to be text messaging rapidly on his cellphone at one point. Scully remained pinned in the circle of violet flame but every once in a while he would start to struggle and curse. I would then just slam him even harder into the wall. There was now a tracework of cracks in the cement. His most recent contact with the wall had evidently been audible well outside the room it seemed, as several people opened the door to peer inside. Victor, Pam and Eric had squeezed into the room and stared open mouthed.

At last I was ready to hear Mr. Tennant's complaint.

"Mr. Scully, are you prepared to be civil?" I asked firmly, without turning around.

I heard a slightly muffled snarl.

I dropped him the 15 feet to the floor without warning and then threw him back out into the room in front of me. He knocked over his empty chair as he rolled. He pulled himself to his feet. He was marked by soot from my flames. His hair was badly singed. I could see in my mind's eye that the entire wall behind me would need to be repaired. Most unfortunate.

I listened as Tennant described the brief attempt at seduction and then three sexualized blood lust assaults on his sister. She was too traumatized to appear in person but there were many signed witness affidavits and statements of those treating her. It was then pointed out by Mr. Nikolaidis that the young woman was all of 17 years of age and that this was the third time that Scully had been accused of involvement with a human under the age of majority.

I looked at Scully. "Do you have any defense?"

He snarled at me that he did not know she was only 17.

"And what was your reason for continuing your pursuit of her when she refused you?"

"She was a cocktease. She deserved it. What was she doing frequenting vampire bars with a fake ID if she didn't want it?"

I looked soberly at Mr. Nikolaidis. "Do you have the name of Mr. Scully's sire noted there?" I asked, biting my lower lip as I turned to him.

Mr. Tennant rose to object, since of course he'd been dissatisfied with that route already. I put up my hand to silence him.

Mr. Nikolaidis nodded solemnly to me.

"We will need to send her a note of our disappointment over her poor judgment about whom to grant the gift of relative immortality. She needs to be reminded of the importance of being selective. She will also be required to pay for the young woman's therapy to deal with the trauma, since as a sire she has failed to control her child adequately."

With that, I turned to Scully, and said "Mr. Scully, you are found guilty of violating multiple laws put in place by your betters for the purpose of securing the welfare of your fellow vampires in the modern world. Your actions endangered those of your kind who wish to live in the world as trusted equals, abiding by its laws. You will not have the chance to act so again." I pointed my hand in his direction, and spoke Word, reducing him to a pile of hot, glowing ash. I hoped I hadn't damaged the carpet after what I'd done to the wall.

John Tennant's jaw dropped and he looked from the ash that was Christopher Scully to me with a look of unbridled awe. There was stunned silence in the room.

I sighed. Not a pleasant business. "This Court warns that the entire Tennant family will be off limits for any retaliatory actions, on pain of meeting the same fate as Mr. Scully. But under rather _less_ pleasant circumstances."

I rose and, promptly and respectfully, so did every single person who had been seated. I left a room filled with still stunned and silent spectators.

I walked with my two demon guards toward the elevators. I was exhausted. It was 4 am. I was thirsty and hungry and craving the taste of Eithne's homemade bread with fresh butter.


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: The Sookie Stackhouse Series is the creation of Charlaine Harris. Don't sue me Charlaine! I love your books.

**Understanding**

IX.

_Smashing! I am thrilled. You marvelous girl. You were born to it._

_I need downtime Pythia. Can I please get some? I need to have something to eat. I'm famished. I kept him on that wall for well over an hour surrounded by fire. It's kind of draining._

_I will let you rest and amuse yourself. You have confirmed my every faith in your ability._

As I entered the elevator the guards blocked people from entering after me. The doors closed as I saw Eric and Bill in the group trying to enter. I nodded to them, then shook my head.

I got to the room, thanked my guards for their work and closed myself in. I ordered a grilled cheese sandwich and several bottles of water. Eithne thought it very important for me to have water after my work because I wielded fire.

I got undressed, removed my makeup, washed my face, put on my PJs and snuggled up in bed with my book, waiting for room service.

About five minutes later, one of the demons knocked on the door. I scanned the exterior. Victor at the front, Bill, Eric and Pam waiting in the hall behind him.

Wearily, I asked who it was.

"It is I, the King of Mississippi," Victor crowed proudly.

I rolled my eyes and was pretty sure Eric, Pam and Bill were doing the same.

"Royal business is next door only," I said. "And you need to speak with Zelda first for an appointment."

"Oh Sookie, come _on_! Fine, it's your cousin."

"I'm supposed to be resting and I'm not dressed for company, so all of you go away and come back tomorrow evening. And Victor, stop hanging out with your neighbors. It looks bad, politically speaking. For them, I mean. Good night."

I crawled back into bed and waited for them to go away. Everyone left except Eric. He just waited, silently, in the hall. I had a vision of him leaning against the wall, across from the door, arms crossed.

Room service finally arrived and short of telling them to bring it in through Pythia's suite I would be stuck having to open the door and look at Eric still standing there. There was no way around it.

Dressed only in my PJs, I opened the door and nodded to the demons to let the server pass. One guard trailed him into the room, his knife drawn. The tray was placed on the table in the room by the terrified server, who was clearly unused to fire demons. I signed for it, the guard went back out. I stood in the doorway looking over at Eric, who was standing just as I'd seen him in my mind. I finally just walked away leaving the door open. He came in, closed the door and sat down on the couch.

I sat on the edge of the bed and ate my grilled cheese sandwich. The bread was nowhere near as good as homemade bread. I missed baking. When I was done, I put everything back on the tray and sat back on the bed looking at Eric.

"It seems like you made a lot of progress in ten months," he said finally. He seemed a little nonplussed.

"Six months. For the first four months I was too weak to do anything other than garden or weave."

"Why do you have to go back?" he asked softly.

I looked away. "I want to go back. I need to learn more. But mostly I need the restorative time. It was very peaceful. I didn't speak at all for the first two months. It allowed me to forget that dark voice in my head. And to try to forget your voice, your words to me."

He wasn't prepared to handle that last part, so he just ignored it and moved on. "How long will you stay this time?"

"Eric, I don't know. Honestly, I really don't know that I can live here now. Live a normal life again. I don't know, even if I could live here again, if I could live with you again. I think you should really consider what I offered."

He stared at me and set his jaw. "Let me spell it out for you again, clearly. I will _**never**_ consider what you have offered. I am bonded to you and I want to be with you. I will wait."

I shook my head and gestured with my hands as if I just didn't know what to say.

"Eric, I don't think that we could ever go back to the way things were between us."

"Then they will be different. But we will still be together. We will be. I know this." He said this with complete confidence.

My mind went back to the afternoon at the Lia Fáil. In the stream of images and thoughts, the last thing I had seen was Eric's eyes. And he saw mine according to Niall. I felt dizzy with confusion. The Stone of Destiny. Did I even believe in destiny or did I think we _choose_ our path? How many times had I discussed that with Eithne? I closed my eyes and focused on the loom, the sound of the shuttle sliding through the shed, the feel and sound of depressing the pedal, shifting the warp to form the second shed. The smooth transition, one shed to another. The rhythm of the shuttle flying back and forth. It soothed and steadied me. My eyes flew open to find Eric on his knee in front of me, holding the chain with my ring. My guard was completely down and I had not even sensed him move off the couch and pick up the chain around my neck. Disgraceful. I breathed rapidly.

"You still wear it. You hide it, but you still wear it," he said in a whisper. His eyes shone. It was the happiest I had seen him look all night.

I pulled it back from his hand. "You should go, it's getting close to dawn."

He put his hands on the bed, on either side of me and looked me in the eyes. "I don't want to go. I want to stay with you," he said, still in a soft whisper.

The way he said it took me back almost two years, to that moment when Hallow's coven was broken and he'd still wanted to go home with me. The soft, vulnerable Eric. My heart was racing and my ears went cold as they do when I start to panic.

"Impossible. You should leave. Now."

He stayed in front of me, fixed. "I won't touch you. I swear it," he said in a hushed voice. "Don't make me leave."


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: The Sookie Stackhouse Series is the creation of Charlaine Harris. Don't sue me Charlaine! I love your books.

**Understanding**

X.

I rose at 2pm, went downstairs and had tea, forcing myself to have some toast, as well. At 3 pm I was meeting with Mr. Nikolaidis in Pythia's suite in order to review the evening's cases. I had decided I wanted as much information up front as possible. No more unpleasant surprises like Scully. I went for a brisk walk around the hotel property, just to move around a bit. I had grown so used to walking and was missing it from my daily routine. As I reentered the hotel and headed to the elevator, I encountered Mr. Nikolaidis. He seemed disturbed.

"Sookie, where are your guards? Why are you out without your guards?"

I was gratified that I had at least stopped him from calling me ma'am, Miss Stackhouse, Mrs. Northman, or the profoundly disturbing 'my liege' which is where we had started out.

"I left them upstairs. I don't need guards. Especially when it's light. But in general."

"Her Highness wanted the guards for you. She is still very concerned with your safety, especially during the adjustment phase." This was a reference to everybody adjusting to the fact that I would be in their business.

I sighed. "Mr. Nikolaidis, do you really think I need guards to keep me safe? Think about it."

We entered the elevator. He looked down on me with his intense black eyes. He was on the slender side for a half-demon but was still huge. He had a great sense of humor and I was really enjoying getting to know him.

"It could get very expensive if we had to make a lot of reparations. Look at the wall downstairs, for instance. The demons will just incinerate or slice through any threat. It might be cheaper." He could barely contain a laugh.

I laughed out loud. He really was a funny man. Pythia had a knack for finding people to work for her that had a good sense of humor, I thought to myself.

"Seriously, Sookie, I think that Her Highness is concerned that you will not be able to rest. She alluded to the fact that you have been unwell. If you allow the guards to do their job, it will allow you to relax some of the time."

I smiled ruefully and shook my head. "I can only relax when I am safe somewhere far from here, Mr. N. Really, there is no way that Pythia's guards could keep me safe from someone really determined. It will always be safest for me to be responsible for myself."

He looked troubled at that thought. It was troubling. But it was the reality.

I followed him into Pythia's suite and greeted Zelda, who I had first met last year. She was Pythia's head handmaiden, a mostly human woman in her mid-fifties, who had been sent to Pythia at age 15. Her family had been in service to the Oracle for thousands of years. Zelda was a font of knowledge, but also of opinions. She too commented on the situation with the guards.

"They told me you instructed them to remain at your door and you went out on your own. The Ancient One will _not_ be pleased."

"It's an excellent diversion, Zelda. It would look as if I was still in my room. And really, I need time to just walk free, without being followed by fire-eyed hulks carrying daggers, swords, axes and such. I just walked on the grounds of the hotel. The worst I encountered was a Were assistant hotel manager and some distantly Fae gardener. They were not at all interested in aggression. I don't think they had any idea of who I am, in fact. I don't look important if I'm not flanked by guards. And I can take care of myself. Pythia needs to trust to that."

Zelda looked at me disapprovingly with her hands on her hips. "You don't look _important_? You look quite striking. You don't look entirely human with your appearance changed, even if it's subtle. You are a striking woman in a hotel with hundreds of vampires. You are obviously an asset to someone. You look as if you are something quite unique. You _need_ to be more careful."

"Zelda, I promise you if anyone tries anything, I'll smite them in your name, okay?"

She rolled her eyes at me as if I was a frustrating child. I knew that to her, and sometimes to Pythia, I was.

I looked over at Mr. Nikolaides and the case files. I sat down next to him and looked at the schedule. There were more cases today than the previous day, but some looked very simple. Mr N. was estimating about two to two and a half hours of work. The case I was most curious about was that of a human accountant who was attempting to sue someone in the retinue of Isaiah, the King of Kentucky. It was an odd case. He was suing a female vampire for personal injury. Evidently, she had intended to turn him, but had been interrupted and he almost died. Most peculiar. I thanked Zelda for the cold bottle of Tŷ Nant water she brought me and started reading.

By 6:30 pm we were finished going through the specifics. Mr. N. seemed really pleased that I wanted to go through things in detail and look at the history of the vampires involved. I rose to go to my room and change.

I showered, brushed my hair and put on some makeup. I changed into a pair of soft gray silk slacks and a sky blue silk blouse that complimented my inner lit markings when I worked. I chose a shawl I'd woven with soft blues and smoky grays and fastened it at my shoulder with a Celtic brooch that Eithne had given me for my birthday.

I turned and looked at the now neatly folded stack of clothes with a frown and regarded Eric in the bed. It was going to raise questions if Eric was seen wearing clothes from the previous day, even on his way back to his room to change out of them. Someone would likely notice. Pythia had declared the previous year that we were bound in the Fae manner. I was concerned that Pythia's protection of me, and therefore Eric, would not be enough to protect Eric from the unpopularity of Pythia's decree that I would be deciding and enforcing cases involving vampires. In order to get rid of me, someone could easily harm him. It was better with everyone thinking that Eric and I were separated. Most people would hardly know what a fae bond involved and few vampires would be on cordial enough terms with a fairy to be able to ask about it. And it wasn't a common thing nowadays according to my grandfather. Maybe if they thought we had separated, that would be enough to keep him safe.

I found Eric's room keycard in his pants pocket and called next door to Zelda.

"Zel, can you find out what room Eric Northman is in?"

"I have a list. He shares a room with his second, Pamela, 1210. Why?"

"I have to return something."

"Take the guards. Or at least one."

"It's still light. Besides, I'll be fine." I hung up before she could argue.

I gathered up the clothes and went down to the 12th floor, and entered the room.

Pam was asleep on the bed nearest the door. I smiled at her. She was wearing flannel PJs even though it was summer. I went over to the other bed and considered the neatly folded clothes in my arms. Wholly unbelievable. I messed them up and threw them on the chair, with poor aim, so that the shirt fell to the floor. Better. Then I messed up the bed.

I quickly gathered fresh clothes. I thought about taking his toothbrush but was all too sure that Pam would notice it missing. He'd have to use mine. I glanced back at Pam. I wondered if she would detect my scent in the room. Well, too late to fix that.

I went back upstairs and set out the clothes for Eric. I looked at him in the bed. How ironic it felt to think that, after several years of the reverse, now I was in the business of trying to assure _he_ would be safe.

It was 7:30 pm. I left my guards at the door and went back next door, to await Pythia's awakening.


	11. Chapter 11

Disclaimer: The Sookie Stackhouse Series is the creation of Charlaine Harris. Don't sue me Charlaine! I love your books.

**Understanding**

XI.

Pythia awoke shortly before 8 pm. After her handmaidens had dressed her, she came out into the living area and sat down next to me. Her color looked markedly improved. Zelda brought her a bottle of Royalty Blended, but she waved it aside for the time being.

_Quite delicious and memorable. I sympathize with the Viking over not wanting a cheap imitation in the form of regular human blood. I notice he is in your bed. Have things improved?_

_Are you always going to be this nosy?_

_About you, yes. You are a vast amount of trouble, so I have to be this nosy. But you avoid my question. Are things better for you, with respect to him?_

_If you're an Oracle, shouldn't you be the one telling me?_

_Oh, you fresh-mouthed creature! If I didn't like you, you'd be punished for your insolence!_

_I'm not trying to be insolent. And you'd have a very hard time punishing me, Pythia. I really don't know how I feel or if anything is better. He just slept in the bed. Nothing more. _

_You were the one that said that you had shackled yourself to the man because you couldn't see your life without him, were you not?_

_I don't believe that 'shackle' was my choice of words, Pythia._

_Have you spoken to Eithne?_

_No. She refuses to speak to me when we are apart unless I scry. I won't scry and so we are not in contact. She only wished me well last night at the inception of my work with you._

_Are you afraid of a silver bowl and some water now?_

_You can be assured that I am. It is not a practice that I am suited for at present, and not a practice I'm interested in pursuing. I have enough of a time dealing with my present reality._

_And why then, would she be asking you to do it if you're not suited to it? It is in your blood to scry. You continue to reject your heritage, to refuse to use your abilities._

_I continue to believe in my right to choice, Pythia. That, to me, is the ultimate take home message from the Morrígan's life. It is my right to be mistress of my own life, as much as possible. And I realize how fortunate I am to live in the present times, which support that right. _I thought of Sophie-Anne, of Thalia, and even of Pythia herself. They had not had that choice.

_What will you do with the Viking?_

_Do with him? I don't know what you mean. I don't know what to do. I don't know what is possible. I'm only focused on getting through the next few days. Then I'll have two weeks before going back to Eithne. I'll think about it all later._

_He stirs. Do you wish to go to him?_

_No. I will stay with you._

She was silent for a time. _Someday I will tell you of my life._

I paused. _I know some of it, Pythia. In spite of what my resistance may make you think, I am honored by your kindness to me._

Eric left the room. I could feel him leave. As he walked away I felt as if cords from my heart went with him. It hurt me. She sensed my pain in his departure.

_You underestimate him. And you are far stronger than you realize. Eithne is right. You are such a harsh mistress of yourself. _

She rose and snapped her fingers for her blood. She turned back to me and waved me off. I was dismissed.

* * *

I left her suite to walk to my door only to find Victor arguing with one of the demons, who evidently had been unable to convince him that I was not in my room. I was surprised to see he had come on his own. A risk, if his present situation was precarious. Perhaps he felt safe because he would be with me. I wondered how much Niall had revealed to him.

I quickly realized I could not have Victor in my room. Eric's scent would be everywhere. Then again I didn't want anyone thinking I was entertaining Victor Madden in my room, either. Vampires are such dreadful gossips, I reminded myself.

"Victor, is there a reason you would be arguing with my guards?"

"Well, good evening! As agreed, I am back to visit with you," he said with a broad grin. I could tell he was simply dying to have me compliment him on the fact that he had overthrown Russell Edgington, taken control of Mississippi and managed to do it all with Felipe's resources and his own cunning.

"Victor," I looped my arm through his and started walking back toward the elevator. "Congratulations, cousin, on your success." I nodded to my patient guards, who followed. "I really hope that it has been worth it, because I really get the feeling that in a lot of minds you have overstepped. Felipe is so popular, Victor. I hope that you haven't miscalculated. I hope you can regain his friendship or at least gain his acceptance."

He looked crestfallen at my rebuke. "I kept Betty Jo," he stated, as if looking for praise on that issue. "She's very efficient and I don't think she really liked Russell very much. Once we had everyone and I spoke to her privately, I think she didn't really want to fight for a lost cause. I told her that I was preserving her from harm because of you, Sookie. But you know, she seems to be afraid of you. After seeing you yesterday, I think maybe we're _all_ a bit afraid of you," he said with a nervous laugh.

I thought to myself that if that scared them, they really shouldn't be around me when I'm mad.

We rode down to the lobby and I told Victor that sadly, I'd need to keep my distance because it wouldn't be appropriate to be too cordial with him in public. A complaint about the takeover was to be heard by Pythia the following night. That part he understood. I hugged him briefly and wished him well. In spite of everything he had involved himself in, I could not stop myself from liking something in Victor. It was more than his just being family. I just did not feel he had a bad heart.

Once downstairs, I decided to eat a light dinner. I was tired of eating in the room. The demons stood by as I ate at a table with a view of the garden, which was lit prettily at night.

While I was waiting for my meal, Eric appeared and sat down across from me.

"Bad idea." I said.

He was looking expansive, leaning back in the chair, leg crossed, with a smile on his face that didn't waver with my comment.

"Good evening to you too, my Love." His eyes appeared to drink me in.

I sighed. I leaned forward to get my sweet tea and said in a low voice. "Go away and leave me alone. For your own good. It's not safe for you."

He signaled to the waiter and ordered a bottle of O neg.

"Eric!" I practically growled. "It's really not in your best interest to be seen with me right now."

"Am I really supposed to feel unsafe with two demons, you and my own set of skills?"

"Three of us won't be with you all the time."

"A risk I'm willing to take."

"A risk that you'd take for both of us, then," I said sourly, staring at him with genuine frustration. Even saying this felt ironic coming from me. He completely ignored the statement.

I saw him glance at my wrist, still bothered by the cut. Eric had always been very meticulous in making sure I did not have marks or scars.

"Who did you give blood to?" he asked in a low voice, leaning forward.

"It's none of your business. I already pointed that out. Is your memory impaired?"

"Why would someone allow you to leave with a mark like that? I want to fix it."

"I'd consider letting you if you leave the table. Take the blood and leave. _Now_."

"I'll come to your room when you're done for the night," he said with poorly concealed happiness.

I slammed my hand on the table. "WOULD YOU GET AWAY FROM MY TABLE? _LEAVE ME_!" I motioned to one of the demons and he stood next to Eric with his sword drawn as a clear indication that he was to leave at once.

Eric stood up and nodded to me soberly. And then he winked. He turned and walked away, quite light-footed.

As I finished my meal, Pam came and sat down. I signaled for the check.

"Sookie, what's going on?"

"What do you mean, Pam?" I tried to sound disinterested.

She leaned forward, eyes wide, and said "Did you just have a fight with Eric in _public_?"

"He sat at my table without permission, ordered something and was obnoxious. I had him removed, yes," I said in loud and firm voice.

She leaned closer and said "Why were you in the room?"

"What room?" I said quietly. I thought to myself that Pam was really entirely too observant at times.

"You were in our room. I could smell you. And Eric's things smelled like you. I don't think he came back last night. Was he with you? And then why were you in our room?"

"Pam, I sure you have heard how unpopular the Pythoness's decision about my role has been in some quarters?" I asked in a low voice.

"People enjoyed the fireworks, though," she said with a smile.

"But they don't enjoy the thought they might be on the receiving end of that, especially at the hands of someone relatively human, now do they? Some would certainly prefer that I be unable to continue in that role."

Connect the dots, Pam, I said to myself. Think about it.

Recognition flashed over her face.

"I am sorry you are upset for your Master, Pam," I said in a louder tone of voice. "But frankly, there's little I can do to help you with that. For his safety, help keep him away from me. _Far away_."

She nodded silently. I signed my bill and rose to leave without saying goodbye to her.

**

* * *

  
**

At 2 am sharp I entered the hearing room to a sea of faces. Every seat was taken and everyone stood as I entered. There was little standing room. I swiftly scanned the room. It seemed like a relatively safe group. Victor was on one side of the room with Betty Jo Pickard and Jonathan, the little Thai vampire who I guess was now hailing from Mississippi these days. Felipe, who had a beautiful floral arrangement delivered to my room earlier in the day, was on the other side of the room with a small contingent from Nevada. I was glad that none of the Louisiana vampires were present. I actually felt safer thinking they were off somewhere together, being watchful for each other. Although I'd talked to Eric and Pam, I'd yet to talk to Bill at all, I thought wistfully. Maybe it's safer for him that way, I thought sadly. I would much prefer someone go after me directly rather than after one of my friends or loved ones. I had the strongest sense that the resistance to my position was growing, making things more and more unsafe.

Mr. Nikolaidis called the first cases and we proceeded in short order through complaints about Weres from Vampires and vice versa, and worked our way toward the curious case, of the human who was suing the vampire for personal injury. The majority of the complaints really could be resolved by proper mediation, but the way it stood, I had to try to think like a mediator and decree like Pythia. I was able to make reasonable work of it.

Finally, Howard Teas, an accountant from Lexington, took up his position as petitioner. He was a pleasant enough looking person. Selma Townsend, the vampire he was suing, worked in the retinue of Isaiah, the King of Kentucky. She had been vampire a little over 75 years, having been made so at age 20. She was attractive and worked running some of Isaiah's most successful businesses, according to Mr. N.'s research into the matter with Bill's database. She looked very competent both on paper and in person, and I couldn't begin to imagine how she could have failed to turn someone if they wanted to be turned, or why she would have risked turning someone who didn't want to be turned, especially if they were both involved with her King's business ventures.

I listened to Teas' complaint and immediately got the real story. Not from what he said, but rather from what he was thinking. Howard Teas was an embezzler. He had successfully embezzled about half a million dollars from Isaiah over the past five years and had been undetected until Selma started noticing anomalies in the rectification of Isaiah's accounts. Selma was one sharp woman. The problem was, as I could tell from Selma, that she still had a great fondness for Howard. They had been involved romantically and she simply couldn't bring herself to turn him over to Isaiah in a fashion that meant certain death. Hence her plan to turn him vampire, and force him, as his sire, to give the money back. This would both keep him safe, and she would keep her King's goodwill for having returned his money and leaving him the accountant already familiar with his business. The fact that Howard didn't want to be turned was not part of her plan and his loud complaints brought interruption and frustration on her part. Selma had been punished, but not severely so, by Isaiah, who knew of their prior relationship. And now the human was suing her for his injury. It was rather laughable on his part.

I listened completely without sympathy to Mr. Teas. I could see this was not the first time he had embezzled from a client. He was quite adept. He really needed to go to jail, I thought to myself. What a fool to have brought the case before a vampire centered court. Jail was probably not going to be in his future. I could only guarantee his safety while he was in this room. Selma's plan, while not ideal, would have been better than what I knew would likely be his fate. Everything about Teas was wrong. I frowned just listening to him.

I listened to the vampire Selma as she tried to defend herself by not saying anything meaningful, since there was no way she could complain about Teas without telling the truth about _why_ she was trying to turn him.

I asked Mr. Nikolaidis to call for the King of Kentucky. He looked edgy about it, but signaled to one of his colleagues to do so. Mr. N. doesn't like Isaiah, I thought to myself. That's a mark against the King in my book because I really like Mr. N. I hadn't been too happy with the idea that the King wasn't even here to support Selma. I couldn't see Sophie-Anne, or Felipe or Victor doing something like that if one of their retinue was being sued in a court such as this.

"Ms. Townsend, I presume you never considered simply glamouring him to resolve your concerns?" I was really amazed at the risks she had taken. Her heart had been in the right place, both with respect to her King and to her former lover. But to turn a criminal? Bad move, since she'd be responsible for him.

Selma Townsend looked beyond edgy. She simply shook her head in a 'no'. I didn't recall having seen her in the room the previous night but I was guessing from the way she looked on the verge of panic from just looking at me, that my newly minted reputation had been made known to her. She now knew I knew what she had been planning and was quite alarmed. Would she be in even more trouble with her King? Would I lead him to believe that she had been involved in embezzling the funds?

Isaiah walked in and was not a happy man. He issued forth with bitter complaints that I had no business summoning him in any way or for any reason. That I was far beyond my jurisdiction.

I smiled and tried to be cordial.

"Thank you for your attendance. We have discovered that you have been the victim of wrongdoing. Mr. Teas here needs to return some money to you. You will however have to seek legal remedy through the conventional Court so that Teas will be held accountable. Mr. Teas, your case is dismissed. Ms. Townsend has been found innocent on all points in the suit against her. She was trying to rectify an injustice. She is not subject to any manner of further correction on this issue by specific decree of this Court." Selma Townsend looked thrilled. I had specifically ruled out her involvement.

I started to rise and Isaiah held up his hand, looking at me irritably.

"What money?"

I back sank into the throne. "That would be the money that Selma Townsend was trying, in a slightly misguided fashion, to recover for you, sir."

He looked from Teas to Selma Townsend with suspicion.

"Ms. Townsend was seeking to correct the situation to your benefit. As I said before, the suit against Ms. Townsend has been dismissed." I shifted my gaze to her. "Although, I would suggest that she rethink her plan of making vampire anyone with criminal tendency, as she might find herself on the receiving end of the Court's displeasure for the actions of her child."

Mr. Teas was, throughout this brief discussion, being held in my grip, while moaning in fear. I finally had had enough, glared at him and silenced him. I would do what I could to keep him alive as long as possible. Perhaps the money would suffice. But I doubted it.

I looked at Isaiah intently. I did not like the way things were going with him. I reminded him again. "You must seek remedy through the proper legal channels available to you in the state of Kentucky. Then this Court will release the account information for the money he owes you."

Isaiah looked at me skeptically. "How much money are we talking about?"

I examined Mr. Teas' mind with care. He was a good, if thieving, accountant.

"Five hundred and twenty-four thousand seven hundred dollars over the past five years, give or take, is what I get from Mr Teas. Is that correct Mr. Teas?" There were audible gasps in from the gallery. Not a small amount to have stolen.

Isaiah lunged at Teas and I stopped him in midair and put him down gently, as if in slow motion.

"I really don't think that that was the solution I described. I realize you must be quite upset. I think I was clear that if you wish to recover your funds, you will need to seek legal remedy through proper channels." I meanwhile thought to myself that the man had to be an idiot to be attacking a human in a room packed with witnesses, a number of whom I could now see did not particularly like him.

Isaiah looked at me through narrow eyes. In spite of trying to help him recover his money, I really did not think I had made any friend in him. It seemed he felt uncomfortable with the fact his operation had been breached and that this was now publically known. Two years ago he had had trouble with the Fellowship of the Sun infiltrating his operation. Now it had taken the human jurist to uncover embezzlement. Appearances were important to him and this did not paint a flattering picture of his operations. Publically, however, he nodded curtly, then turned and left the room. He left a trail of cold anger as he went.

I rose to leave the room, all rose with me. Unlike the previous night, there was a flood of buzzing voices.

I sighed. It was 4:20 am and I was fairly tired even though there had been only minimal energy put into the evening compared to the previous night. My plan was to go upstairs, order room service and meditate. Then I could eat and read until I fell asleep.

Eric was waiting in the lobby area and as I walked toward the elevators he started to walk ahead of me, as if to get to the elevator first, to justify his riding up in it I suppose, and avoid being excluded by my guards for entering after me.

The stake flew from behind us and I stopped it less than an inch from Eric's back. The cocoon of energy I put around him stopped him in his tracks but he could easily turn around within it. The stake hovered frozen in midair, level with the center of his chest. His eyes were wide as he looked from it to me. Now, at last, he understood. The threat was real. And I understood that on some subtle level, _I had foreseen it_. I turned to look behind us and caught in my gaze the thrower of the stake with little effort. The trail of energy from the stake back to its thrower made it obvious in my eyes.

With mounting rage, I drew the vampire to me and gazed down on him, with a fierceness that put fear into his very bones, as he cowered before me. He would not give me the name of the person who charged him with the task and I began flood his brain with my mine, literally ripping through his, to the point that he started shrieking in fear and in pain. People turned and came from all over the lobby, walked down the curving stairs from the mezzanine or looked over the mezzanine balcony wall.

With Eric still bound in a now visibly violet shield of energy and the thrown stake still hovering in midair I determined that the vampire who threw the stake was from…. Kentucky. My anger radiated through the lower levels of the hotel in the form of thunder as I used Word to summon Isaiah, King of Kentucky to my presence. My rage was epic, even for me, and my skin began to turn almost black like the Morrígan's crows, the power that ran through me brightly illuminating the patterns on my skin, glowing bright like sunlight. Isaiah was inexorably drawn from the mezzanine to my presence. Pythia's bracelet burned into my wrist as if it would cut completely through it. No peace and calm were to be found in my mind.

I stood eye to eye with Isaiah, looking at him intensely with my well-focused rage before I spoke. His eyes were wide with fear.

"Is he _yours_?" I said thunderously pointing to the crumpled, moaning form on the lobby floor.

He started to reply and then I could see him remembering that I was, first and foremost, a telepath. He swallowed hard and did not respond. I already knew, and now he knew that I knew.

I drew power on the anger that I felt and soon it was as if a swirling maelstrom of darkness surrounded me and this man who had sought Eric's death and ultimately mine. I stared at him and simply roared my fury, like the Morrígan in battle, until he finally collapsed onto his knees. The very walls of the hotel vibrated around us, tremors radiated across the floor from our epicenter. And then I envisioned the loom and switching to the second shed. Eithne would be proud. I did not let it take me. I controlled that dark power. I owned it and could let it pass. It was like switching to a different place in my mind, that switch in the warp as I changed the weave of energy. Suddenly all the energy died down and I could breathe more normally. He stared up at me open mouthed as I turned and walked away. I would let him live in his disgrace, at the hands of a relatively human woman.

I grabbed the stake from the air, and threw it to the ground near Isaiah, releasing the protective energy around Eric.

Then I moved on toward the elevator with my guards, and with Eric. As the elevator doors closed I could see Isaiah, King of Kentucky, still on his knees, now looking downward. No one in the lobby moved to aid him.

Eric was totally quiet as we rode to the 15th floor. My color was returning to normal but I was still breathing heavily. That had been unsettlingly close, I thought. Having to do any reversals would have caused problems and required explanations I was not prepared to give. I had been lucky to catch it in time. The guards hung their heads in shame. They had not even seen the threat. When we got off on my floor and walked toward my door, I saw that Pythia's was wide open and Zelda was waiting in the doorway for me. I handed Eric my room keycard and gestured that he was to wait in my room. Then I entered Pythia's suite.


	12. Chapter 12

Disclaimer: The Sookie Stackhouse Series is the creation of Charlaine Harris. Don't sue me Charlaine! I love your books.

**Understanding**

XII.

Zelda looked at me as if she was ever so slightly apprehensive and motioned me back toward Pythia's room. I entered to find her perched on her low dais. She turned and followed my movement.

Before she could even start in, I admitted "I lost my temper. I'm sorry. But I did not kill anyone. So at least there's that."

Pythia sat very still and did not speak for several minutes.

_When you said I could not punish you, I now see you did not exaggerate._

I was completely drained and continued to speak out loud.

"I do not think you have really understood the depth of Eithne's concern. At least I can say that the months of work she spent on getting me to better control things have not been wasted, even if I still have too much temper."

She turned to me. "_Too much temper_?" she said out loud, incredulously. "He tried to kill you both, after I specifically ordered that you are under my protection. Not only has he threatened your welfare, he has crossed _ME!_" She screamed this last part. Pythia was definitely not used to being crossed.

"He was angry that the embezzlement was revealed in a public forum. Perhaps that was my mistake. It was compounded by the fact that I stopped him from killing the embezzler in front of a room packed with witnesses."

"I really do not care _what_ the origin of his anger was. When I am done with him he will probably regret you did not kill him."

"It is not my affair. He did go against you. I can assure you, however, that I will be very hard to kill. Eithne has trained me well. It is just the thought of anyone trying to harm Eric in order to harm me that made it too much for me to take calmly." I was really feeling weak. "I need to eat and have some water. May I go?" I asked weakly.

"Zelda, give her water," she said in a rasping voice. "What exactly happened?"

I recounted the scene, as she nodded with her eyes closed.

"I assume the vampire who threw the stake will take at least several days to recover. Isaiah was likely only very frightened. And many people saw it. I left him in a state of disgrace," I finished.

"Good. Good! _Let them all be very afraid_. Being afraid of you is an extension of being afraid of me."

"Pythia, using this power drains too much of me for me to consider its use unless I am very sure why I am using it. I do not _like _to use it. There is an ugliness to it." I was now really feeling dangerously like fainting. Zelda brought me a bottle of Tŷ Nant water, but that wasn't going to cut it. I said firmly, "I'm going to my room to rest. We can talk more tomorrow if you wish."

I went toward my room next door and felt like I was just going to collapse in on myself. I was running on fumes. And now I was going to have to deal with Eric. The demon guards hung their heads, unable to meet me in the eye. I just couldn't deal with them right now.

I entered the room to find Eric putting down the phone. He turned to me and said "I ordered you the grilled cheese sandwich and more water. I didn't know what else you would want so I just got you the same thing I saw you eating yesterday."

I nodded and just collapsed onto the bed. I closed my eyes and tried to conserve my energy.

I awoke about 20 minutes later to a gentle nudging whisper, "Sookie… Sookie, you need to wake up, your food is here. You need to eat."

My eyes flew open and I moved swiftly to sitting up. I was now in bed, under the covers. I was in my pajamas. Eric gingerly lifted the table over to the bedside so that I wouldn't have to get completely out of bed to eat. I swung my legs over the side of the bed and looked at the food, hardly comprehending it. I had to force myself to eat, I thought. I had learned that the hours after one of these bursts of emotion-driven power were really a delicate period. The last time I'd had serious one, the jarring effect of Eric's actions had left me weakened for months. I was now at my most vulnerable and had to take care so I'd recover quickly enough for both our safety.

I started eating the sandwich and noticed vaguely that the cut on my left wrist was gone. I finished the sandwich and a bottle of water and crawled back into bed. Moments later, the lights were out in the room and I felt myself being shifted further into the center of the bed. Eric spooned against me and held my hand. My last fading thoughts were of the comforting feeling of his chin against my shoulder.

**

* * *

  
**

When I awoke more than 15 hours later, I was nestled in Eric's arms.

"It's just after 8 pm," he said softly to me.

"You're awake early. It's still twilight."

"We went to sleep early," he said softly.

I could feel a complex set of emotions from him and then suddenly, I realized that with my guard dropped from sheer exhaustion I was letting him _feel me_. I started to pull back from him, both emotionally and physically, but he held me firmly.

"No," he said in a firm low voice. "I want it back. You won't take it from me a second time."

"It's better that way," I said softly. "Really."

"There's nothing better about it." He hugged me to him. "You feel so… alone, Sookie. Utterly alone."

I caught my breath and felt tears forming in my eyes. I _was_ utterly alone.

"I am not alone." Finally, I said, "I have Eithne. She understands. She's patient. It doesn't affect her. "

"You have me."

"I make your life more dangerous, Eric. My being apart from you might make your life safer and easier. And what channels through me is… terrible at times. It's a burden that should not be shared, even vicariously."

"You have made my life dangerous since I first met you, Sookie. That is nothing new. We'll protect each other. I cannot stand being apart from you again. It would not benefit either of us to even try. We will not be totally apart again. We just won't." There was much emotion in his voice. The way he held me I couldn't look into his eyes.

"You're not afraid of me, Eric?" Afraid of what I've become, of things you can't even see inside me yet, I thought.

"I am not afraid of you. I know you will not hurt me. To me, you have not changed in any fundamental way. I am bonded to you. I _want_ to be with you. The only things I have ever feared with you are how much you made me feel and losing you. We are still together. We are." He said this last part as if it was a fact, something already written. His thoughts on the matter were already complete.

Where was I in my thoughts with him? A month ago, I'd thought we might never be together again, and here I was lying in his arms. I had to admit that my heart sang when I was near him. I remembered what he had said two nights ago, that he didn't need to feel me through the bond to know that I loved him. He was right. I did still love him, and I wasn't even sure anymore in my mind what it was I was trying to forgive him for. That night, that dark night. Wasn't I really in part trying to forgive myself for that night? For all my self-deception? I said I knew him. But had I truly accepted what I knew?

I realized he would never again be able to force me to do anything like what he had done that September night almost a year ago. Everyone who had talked to me about that night seemed to think that Eric had done exactly the right thing. I could still see Clancy's face in my memory and I shuddered. Would he really have sold me out? We had become guarded friends of sorts. But Eric had known him many years. Part of me knew that Eric suspected him and had kept him separate from the others on purpose. Clancy had known exactly what I was and told Eric he did. My scruples could have cost every one of the other vampires in that club their lives. I knew in my heart that Niall, Pythia and Eithne were right about that. I knew that Pam and Thalia would likely have defended me to their deaths just because I'd saved their lives. Even Felicia was attached to me. The others would have been compelled to do so if told to by Eric. He could never do what he did that night to me again, but really, he would never need to. _I_ was now the power to be reckoned with. If Eric had indeed made the right choice that September night, perhaps _that_ was the most important outcome. If all of it hadn't happened that way, perhaps I would not have ended up in Eithne's gentle care. Worse things might have come about. I had _chosen_ to protect Thalia from harm. Perhaps choice creates fate or destiny as we move forward, I thought. Perhaps I had been missing Eithne's point all along. The two were inextricably intertwined.

I relaxed back into Eric's arms and sighed. I thought how ironic it was when I first told him that I was able to read vampire minds telepathically that he had commented that he could appreciate me for all that I could become. Neither of us had any idea then, had we? We had each been naïve, each in our own way, about the change that had begun in those weeks. Our path together was sealed. It had been from the first bond, which had been Eric's choice in spite of his fears of what I represented to him. There would be no turning back. I thought of the Lia Fáil and seeing his sapphire eyes. _What is, is_.

I realized that Eric was the only person, other than Eithne, around whom I was not wary. I envisioned him suddenly kneeling in front of me with my wedding ring and the chain in his hand, or undressing me and putting me into bed when I was too exhausted to even care. No one else could have even gotten that close to me when I was tired or weak. I trusted him, whether I wanted to admit it to myself or not, and even though he had hurt me. I remembered Eithne's words to me- 'the physical pain he rendered you is small in comparison to what it cost him to cause it_._' I thought about how he took so long to get into the car with me that night. What had it cost him, I wondered, to literally break the bones of the woman he loved in order to save her from something even worse? And then I had left his side for ten months without so much as a word, and cut him off from feeling me. Rather than bond to someone else, or turn away from me, he just waited. It was so far from _self-preservation_ it took my breath away. In the process of getting to where I was now, I realized that had been cruel to Eric. Yet he had forgiven me. I recalled how I had felt when our bond had been impaired by Niall's misguided magic for a few short weeks. Ten months. Ten _months_. I could not fathom how he bore it. 'You underestimate him' Pythia had said to me. Perhaps I had.


	13. Chapter 13

Disclaimer: The Sookie Stackhouse Series is the creation of Charlaine Harris. Don't sue me Charlaine! I love your books.

**Understanding**

XIII.

Outside, that night I sat chatting with Pam while she drank a TrueBlood and teased me for drinking sweet tea. I was dressed more casually tonight, since it was Pythia's night, in navy linen slacks and a simple white blouse. I still wore a lightweight shawl in periwinkle. Pam admired it and wondered when I was going to be making a few things for her. She was in a rose silk dress and looked lovely. She was in such a happy mood. When Eric had gone back to their room to change, she had noted that his color was better and that he was happier than he had been in ten months. And within seconds of seeing me downstairs that night, she noticed the wedding ring on my left hand. She was the only person who knew we were really together again. (Other than Pythia, who felt compelled to comment that she was glad I was finally starting to 'get well' and expressed gratitude that my recovery was not too loud.)

As we sat out in the garden with our drinks, Pam told me that she and Maxwell had to run everything for a while because Eric was so depressed. His greatest support over the past ten months had come from a surprising source. Bill, rather than gloating over Eric's seeming loss of me, encouraged him not to give up, commiserated with him over my absence and told him that he was sure I really loved him. Pam confirmed that Eric stayed on bottled blood the entire time and that he was so impossibly irritable that the fangbangers even stayed away from him in the bar after the first few weeks because they grew tired of being rebuffed with hits, kicks, insults and having things thrown at them. Pam tried to keep him out of the bar because he was bad for business, she said. Most nights he would just hole up in his office and make Maxwell sit out in his stead.

When I had finally come back from Ireland and word started leaking out that I was being seen around with a very tall, very handsome fairy, Bill had absolutely refused to believe that I had taken up with another man. Eric was terribly depressed by that point according to Pam. Bill told Eric that it just wasn't the sort of thing I'd do and that whatever he was hearing, it had to be untrue. Pam credited Bill with being something of an expert on how I dumped men, and Bill said it certainly wasn't something I did on the sly, that I dumped guys to their face in an unmistakable fashion. Pam thought the whole rumor started with Octavia having told Amelia that Ciarán hugged me, and that made its way to Tray and the Weres and word got back to Eric that his woman was with another man. She said when Sam heard the rumor he called Eric himself and told Eric that I'd said Ciarán was only acting as my bodyguard and he believed me. (My Sam!) I shook my head. Ciarán had hugged me, because I was so sad and because he's a nice guy, I told her. But he's Claude's companion. When Eric told Pam and Bill two days before that he'd found out from me that Ciarán was actually _Claude's _boyfriend they had quite a laugh, according to Pam. I asked why they hadn't asked Claudine what was going on, and found out that Claudine and Niall had been very quiet and unresponsive after their visit in Ireland for my birthday. I realized that at that point I still was unsure about how things would stand with Eric and that perhaps they hadn't wanted to tell him that. But the vamps probably misread their silence as a suggestion that something else really was going on.

I was taken with the fact that Pam's relationship with me seemed so unaltered by the changes in me. I had been wary of what to expect. But she acted as if I was unchanged. We had slipped back into the same comfortable rapport.

"Pam, you seem as if you don't notice or care about how much I have changed. You act as if we are right where we left off."

She looked at me oddly. "But you're still you."

I couldn't quite form the words for the questions in my mind. But Pam got the gist of it. There on that patio she offered me the longest single comment she had ever given me about my role in their lives.

"Sookie, do you mean you think I should be afraid of you? You have risked your life several times to save mine. You are still the same inside. I have nothing to fear from you. I'm just glad that you have forgiven Eric. I'll never forget how you looked that night when you were in the car. Before he even told me the next night that you were gone, I knew it would be a long, long time before you would be able to get over it. But you didn't see the look on his face. You didn't see what it did to him. He was so afraid for you, and almost as afraid that you would never forgive him. He never liked how Clancy was with you. But he knew you'd take it hard that he forced you and that you saw what he did and how he did it. You never wanted to see that side of any of us. You always looked away and made excuses for how we are. But it was always there. Eric did not want you to see him that way. In the end, really none of us did. We relished how you saw us. It was as if you saw us as better versions of ourselves and we wanted to live up to it. I used to hate it and think you were naïve. But then I came to feel that you saw something beautiful in us if you were willing to risk yourself so many times to save us. But what you need to see is that Eric did live up to that better version of us. We all did. He killed five vampires to save his bonded human from potential harm. And we _all_ agreed it was for the best. You were _ours_. We put you first. You've changed, but so have we."

* * *

Victor located us outside at 10:45 pm and informed me that Isaiah had just been deposed by Pythia by a formal decree announced about 10 minutes before. He looked very nervous because Pythia was evidently in an absolutely foul humor and had said that Isaiah was going to be submerged in brine for six months for having defied her, in addition to losing his throne. Victor was to appear before her over his use of Felipe's assets in Lousiana to take over Mississippi for his own benefit. Pam had a smirk on her face about the whole thing, but I was actually pretty worried for him. Then he ran his plan by me. Victor was going to inform Pythia that I was his cousin and that he got rid of Russell to keep _me_ safe because Russell had plotted against Eric and me several times, had sought Eric's death through Rasul in the past, had tried to have me kidnapped. I wished him the best of luck, but thought this was going to be the only time it would fly with her, if it did at all, which I doubted. I was delighted to see that Pam managed to hear Rasul's name without cringing. But I was still worried that Pythia would hurt Victor. I tried not to dwell on the fact that he was going to use his connection to me to curry favor. Really, he was shameless.

As I strolled through the lobby with Pam, I was called upstairs to the mezzanine by Felipe, who promptly asked me if it was true that Victor Madden was my cousin. One of his vamps had overheard a conversation between Victor's attorneys. Pam moved away, not wanting to intrude. I looked down and sighed and then looked Felipe in the eye and told him it was true. How could we possibly be related, he asked. Then I told him about our connection with Niall, which I said was very confidential information. Felipe was aghast. Moving against Victor to punish him meant that he would be going after the great-grandson of Niall Brigant. I admitted that I didn't know what to tell him, that all of us knew that Victor was something of a rogue but that yes, he was family and that Niall had contact with him with some regularity. Felipe also seemed stunned to think that I was related to Niall but had never tried to use that fact to manipulate him.

Meanwhile, I was rather amazed that even after my encounter with Isaiah, the previous night, Felipe treated me no differently than he had last summer. He stood close to me, he was polite but not deferentially so. He thought for a moment and then asked my advice. What would I do with Victor? I paused and then told him that if it were me I'd try to settle with him, but to make a point, I'd try to hit Victor's revenues for a good long time. It had to be enough to deter him from doing things like this again, but not so much as to make him likely to get into further argument with Felipe's regime. He thanked me, and then further surprised me by telling me that he enjoyed watching me in the hearings the two previous nights and that he thought that it was a system that needed to be implemented more than once a year at the summit and that he had an appointment with the Ancient Pythoness to tell her so. Then he left to talk to his attorneys. I crossed my fingers that it would work out and that Victor would see what a boon Felipe's settlement offer was.

I turned around and almost walked straight into Bill.

"Finally," he said. "Finally, I get to actually see the famous jurist Sookie Stackhouse from a distance of less than twenty feet." He said this with a chuckle and a funny, sad smile.

We stood there for a moment not saying anything and then I asked how he was.

"I'm fine. Been busy. Haven't traveled as much this year. How are you?"

My eyes filled with tears. "Grateful to you."

He looked at me and just nodded.

"Pam says you are going back to Ireland."

"I'll be home for two weeks and then I'll go back, yes."

"For how long?"

"I really don't know for sure. I still need more time there."

"You should take him with you," he said. "We won't be able to sustain a second round," with a soft chuckle.

"Unfortunately, I don't think this is a place that vampires are welcome. I did not see one the entire time I was there. There are a lot of Fae there."

"You're not really going to leave him again, Sookie?" he looked surprised.

I didn't feel comfortable talking to him about this. I said so.

"I can't talk about it now, Bill. I'm really grateful to you, for how kind you've been to Eric. When I'm home, we'll have more time to chat."

He nodded. I sensed for the first time in the years since we had parted that Bill was really free of me. He looked more at ease than he had in a long time. He stood back a bit and looked me over.

"You look more beautiful than ever Sookie. He's a lucky man. I know…" his voice lowered and he drew closer. "Knowing you, it must have been a horrible thing that night. When he finally told me how you came to leave, it showed me that you were with the right person. I don't know that I could have done what he did to keep you safe. I don't know that I could have gone so far. He was strong enough to risk everything. He was right in what he did to protect you. You should remember that. I hope you have really forgiven him for it."

I just nodded silently. We parted to go our separate ways.

I was prodded, mentally, by Pythia.

_Is this man Madden really planning to use you as his excuse?_

I groaned.

_Pythia, I just don't know what to tell you, okay? Yes, he told me he was going to try. I'm hoping he and Felipe work something out. You've already had your fun for the night, I hear._

_How can this person be related to you? Oh wait. I see. Of course. Your bastard fairy great-grandfather with his reprobate half-fairy sons. Has he ever told you about these people? Anything of quality in you is so clearly from your mother's family._

_Can you please stop?_

_Would you like to see the brine? _

I blocked her out of my mind, which I knew would make her mad, but I just needed a break. And I did not want to think about Victor in brine. Sophie-Anne had used brine as punishment. I remembered Waldo. Awful.

I went out to the gardens, off in a quiet, dark corner and sat on a bench. Although part of my heart would always be in Louisiana, I now longed for the peace of Irish soil as if it were home. It really was in my blood, my heart. I sighed heavily. Eric appeared silently on the bench and took my hand. I leaned against him, and felt we were safe. He murmured he was done for the evening. We enjoyed the quiet night.

When we finally went inside again, we learned from Bill that Victor had settled with Felipe. He was bitter over the loss of 20% of his revenues for ten years. I was thankful that Felipe had not mentioned the source for the idea. I was sure that Felipe was grateful that he didn't have to admit his advice on the topic was from me. We got on well together that way.


	14. Chapter 14

Disclaimer: The Sookie Stackhouse Series is the creation of Charlaine Harris. Don't sue me Charlaine! I love your books.

**Understanding**

XIV.

In the two weeks I was at home I reconnected with friends, with family. Jason was relieved to find that I was still alive. He had begun to think it was all made up that I was in Ireland. He was struggling as a divorced father of a baby. Ava was a beautiful child but I pitied her her parents. I visited in Bon Temps and spent a few days there, but mostly we stayed in Shreveport. Fi and Thalia were glad to see me. Maxwell was cautiously polite, wondering if the bartender death streak could shift to a manager death streak.

Eric was happy for the first week, but as the second week started, his mood turned somber. Only one week until I was to return to Ireland. He did not try to discourage my leaving, but his melancholy was its own means of communicating.

Five days before I was to leave, we went on a strange venture to Monroe. I was just going to collect some of my things from Claudine and Claude's house. Claudine was trying to plan a get together at the house. The plan started out being me, Claudine, Claude, Ciarán and his sister Ciara. But at the very last minute, Eric wanted to tag along, I think in part to really get a look at Ciarán but also to make it clear that I was still his. Pretty awkward, since you don't generally like to mix four fairies and a vampire. But to my amazement, Eric actually behaved himself, although he stuck close to me. After a while Claude and Ciarán went out. Claude just didn't have much regard for vampires, even nice ones.

Eric had gone outside to make some quick phone calls for work. I mentioned to Claudine that I was sad and worried about leaving Eric again, when Ciara asked why he didn't go with me. I must have looked very surprised.

"You have to use the Crossroads, right? He's bound to you? You can just take him through the Crossroads, if that's the case," Ciara said.

The thought had simply never occurred to me. I hadn't known it was possible.

"But there were no vampires in Meath," I pointed out. "I was there for ten months and I never saw a single vampire."

"Well, that would be Eithne's doing. You should just ask her. Maybe she'd let him stay with you or at least visit you. You'd have to meet him and bring him through but if he's bound to you, it's easy enough to do."

I was mostly silent on the drive home. Eric made the comment that he really didn't think that Ciarán was my type. I told him that yeah, yeah, my type was my husband. He seemed cheered a bit. But I could still sense that underlying melancholy. I wondered how it would change my peace, my focus, if Eric were to visit me.

Eric dropped me off at the house and went to the club.

With trepidation, I opened a drawer in my dresser and withdrew a shallow silver bowl and a small sharp dagger. I went downstairs and got a bottle of my Tŷ Nant water. I sat at the low coffee table and lit a candle then poured water into the bowl. I drank the rest and then cut my left index finger enough to get a drop of blood to fall into the water. I grounded myself and stilled my mind.

_Trédhearcach,__ uisce feicfidh mé isteach i…_

_I will see into the water, through the water…_

As I relaxed a flood of images came to me. Some were of the past, my parents, my Gran, meeting Bill and then Eric, laughter while playing with Eric, and then the image stilled on Hunter, my arm around him while we read some book. _This is future_ I said to myself. And then I saw a younger child, a little girl, crying and alone. Picking her up and feeling a sense of recognition as her fingers grasped mine. _Shared blood_, I thought in passing. I tried to reach farther and at last came upon the soft hazel eyes I sought.

_Can it be true? Waking me from a sound sleep to see your eyes… What is it child?_

_Eithne, if I wanted Eric to come to see me at Cúl Dín_, _would you allow him on your land?_

_What an odd question, child. This is what brings you finally?_

_We'll have had less than three weeks Eithne. Yet I know that I must return to you. I feel as if it will break his heart if I do not see him at all. A friend told me that he could pass on the Crossroads because we are bound and yet I never met a single vampire in County Meath while I was with you._

_They have not been welcomed to this land._

I nodded sadly.

_How much do you feel your blood has changed him?_

My blood change _him_? Now there was an odd thought. It hadn't changed him enough to keep him from decapitating people he thought could bring me harm… But he'd certainly taken the total self-preservation mode down a notch in the months since.

_Eithne, changed him how? He is what he is. He's vampire. Sometimes they do violence._

_But you have changed him. You have changed all of them around you. But how much?_

I didn't even know what to say. Enough to be in a room with four fairies for an hour and not leave them all drained dead or force them to take a stake to him in self-defense? Well, sure. Although it might be all his encounters with Niall or fear of angering me that kept him in check. Who knew. He'd been placid enough that night and it didn't seem to strain him.

_I don't know how to answer you. He can be very controlled if that's what you mean. He is old, as you know. He has self-control. He can be calm. I see a different side to him.  
_

_It is important to you. Important enough to make you take up a silver bowl. After two weeks, you may try. There is the cottage on the west heath. You may see him there. He will be limited to the bounds of Cúl Dín and may not roam. You are enough for him, yes?_

_Yes, he requires little._

_You may try. If there are problems we can control things by spinning back._

My heart swelled. _Thank you!_

I paused for a moment in thought.

_Eithne, I saw a child. A little girl. She clasped her hand around my finger. She was sad. I don't know what it means. Is it literal?_

I thought of the sad little face. Green eyes that looked old and wary.

_She will come to you in time, my child. In time. She is of our blood, and close to you._

Then I felt weary, and the water cleared.


	15. Chapter 15

Disclaimer: The Sookie Stackhouse Series is the creation of Charlaine Harris. Don't sue me Charlaine! I love your books.

**Understanding**

XV.

At midnight on September the 11th, in the darkness of the new moon, Eric held my hand as we tread the whispering path in silence. We arrived at the bounds of Cúl Dín only moments after 5 am. We had a good hour and a half before sunrise. I led him through the gardens and to the cottage on the west heath. The scent of the heather hung heavy in the air as the dew clung to the ground.

Eithne and I had tried to make the cottage pleasant and dry. I had tested it for dark-fastness many times, staying for up to an hour at a time in the dark to be sure that no small amount of light leaked through at any hour of the day.

Eric looked as if he was in Wonderland. Everything was so alive here. The air so fresh, the energy so strong in every branch or stone. He seemed to soak up the energy of the land and all the cares of his world washed away from him. He turned to me and smiled.

"It's a wonder you ever come back."

"I will always come back to you. After all, I am yours," I said with a wry smile.

**

* * *

  
**

When my arms wrap you round I press

My heart upon the loveliness

That has long faded from the world…

-William Butler Yeats, from _Forgotten Beauty_


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